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EricM9104

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  2. Funny As Hell Story.

    in Off Topic - Random, Misc posts - the forum "Junk Drawer"

    Posted

    My friend found this little story somewhere.....

    Yesterday was hell

    All in all, it hadn't been a good day. Bad traffic, a malfunctioning computer, incompetent coworkers and a sore back all made me a seething cauldron of rage. But more importantly for this story, it had been over forty-eight hours since I'd last taken a dump. I'd tried to jumpstart the process, beginning my day with a bowl of bowel-cleansing fiber cereal, following it with six cups of coffee at work, and adding a bean-laden lunch at Taco Bell. As I was returning home from work, my insides let me know with subtle rumbles and the emission of the occasional tiny fart that Big Things would be happening soon. Alas, I had to stop at the mall to pick up an order. I completed this task, and as I was walking past the stores on my way back to the car, I noticed a large sale sign proclaiming, "Everything Must Go!" This was prophetic, for my colon informed me with a sudden violent cramp and a wet, squeaky fart that everything was indeed about to go. I hurried to the mall bathroom. I surveyed the five stalls, which I have numbered 0 through 4 (I write a lot of software) for your convenience:

    0.Occupied

    1.Clean, but Bathroom Protocol forbids its use, as it's next to the occupied one.

    2.Poo on seat.

    3.Poo and toilet paper in bowl, unidentifiable liquid splattered on seat.

    4.No toilet paper, no stall door, unidentifiable sticky object near base of toilet.

    Clearly, it had to be Stall #1. I trudged back, entered, dropped trou and sat down. I'm normally a fairly Shameful Shitter. I wasn't happy about being next to the occupied stall, but Big Things were afoot.

    I was just getting ready to bear down when all of a sudden the sweet sounds of Beethoven came from next door, followed by a fumbling, and then the sound of a voice answering the ringing phone. As usual for a cell phone conversation, the voice was exactly 8 dB louder than it needed to be. Out of Shameful habit, my sphincter slammed shut. The inane conversation went on and on. Mr. Shitter was blathering to Mrs. Shitter about the shitty day he had. I sat there, cramping and miserable, waiting for him to finish. As the loud conversation dragged on, I became angrier and angrier, thinking that I, too, had a crappy day, but I was too polite to yak about in public. My bowels let me know in no uncertain terms that if I didn't get crapping soon, my day would be getting even crappier.

    Finally my anger reached a point that overcame Shamefulness. I no longer cared. I gripped the toilet paper holder in one hand, braced my other hand against the side of the stall, and pushed with all my might. I was rewarded with a fart of colossal magnitude -- a cross between the sound of someone ripping a very wet bed sheet in half and of plywood being torn off a wall. The sound gradually transitioned into a heavily modulated low-RPM tone, not unlike someone firing up a Harley. I managed to hit resonance frequency of the stall, and it shook gently.

    -

    Once my ass cheeks stopped flapping in the breeze, three things became apparent: (1) The next-door conversation had ceased; (2) my colon's continued seizing indicated that there was more to come; and (3) the bathroom was now beset by a horrible, eldritch stench.

    It was as if a gateway to Hell had been opened. The foul miasma quickly made its way under the stall and began choking my poop-mate. This initial "herald" fart had ended his conversation in mid-sentence.

    "Oh my God," I heard him utter, following it with the suppressed sounds of choking, and then, "No, baby, that wasn't me (cough, gag), you could hear that (gag)??"

    Next door I could hear fumbling with the paper dispenser as he desperately tried to finish his task. Little snatches of conversation made themselves heard over my anal symphony: "Gotta go... horrible... throw up... in my mouth.... not... make it... tell the kids... love them... oh God..." followed by more sounds of suppressed gagging and retching.

    -

    Alas, it is evidently difficulty to hold one's phone and wipe one's bum at the same time. Just as my high-pressure abuse of the toilet was winding down, I heard a plop and splash from next door, followed by a string of swear words and gags. My poop-mate had dropped his phone into the toilet.

    After a considerable amount of paperwork, I got up and surveyed the damage. I felt bad for the janitor who'd be forced to deal with this, but I knew that flushing was not an option. No toilet in the world could handle that unholy mess. Flushing would only lead to a floor flooded with filth.

    As I left, I glanced to the next-door stall. Nothing remained in the bowl. Had he flushed his phone, or had he plucked it out and left the bathroom with nasty unwashed hands? The world will never know.

    I exited the bathroom, momentarily proud and Shameless, looking around for a face glaring at me. But I saw no one. I suspect that somehow my supernatural elimination has manged to transfer my Shamefulness to my anonymous poop-mate. I think it'll be a long time before he can bring himself to poop in public -- and I doubt he'll ever again answer his cell phone in the loo. And this, my friends, is why you should never talk on your phone in the bathroom.

  9. Made Another Sub Box In Cad.

    in Off Topic - Random, Misc posts - the forum "Junk Drawer"

    Posted

    Haha, yeah. As usual though, long and big calculations just make it seem as though it's hard when it isn't Just more numbers to crunch. :)

    Bah, I was stuck in Algebra math 1st trimester this year, filled class, bunch of freshman (i'm a sophomore) and once they took the test to see if they needed brushing up on pre-algebra or not, more than half the class disappeared and was reduced to 8-10 kids in that class....

  15. How Long...?

    in General Audio - Can't find a category for your question? Ask here.

    Posted

    Well, finished installing it earlier. :)

    Popped the center piece of the dash off and was able to slide the head-unit out after that. Heh, we thought something was wrong earlier too since it's a 4-channel amp bridged to 2, one sub is on channels 1-2, other on 3-4. We only hooked the RCA outs to 1-2 and we're like wtf is wrong with the other....

    Took off some panel in the back, grounded it there, scrapped some paint off, put back on. Gonna upgrade him to 8ga wire sometime along with y-adapters on the amp. :)

    He's happy now with how it is. Now he needs new door speakers... lol! Stockers..... I was walking around it, heard distortion, and it was the door speakers. Oh well. lol.

  17. Crysis Is Out! First Look

    in Video Games (All consoles) Ratings, previews, demos......the latest

    Posted · Edited by emat19876

    Steve,

    the reason why Crysis won't run on completely maxxed settings on your SLI 8800GTX is nVidias fault. They need to work on making some better drivers. From what I hear, they're working on getting the single card drivers right but nothing really for SLI 8800 cards... Make sure your graphics drive is up to date and everything. :)

    EDIT:

    About your RAM issue, you need to upgrade to 64-bit OS so it'll be able to address it all. 64-bit Vista runs pretty good from what I hear. Any 32-bit programs you have will still work (or should work).

  24. How Long...?

    in General Audio - Can't find a category for your question? Ask here.

    Posted

    Heh....

    Rampage 500w PEAK amp... 2 MTX 10s, 10ga wire.... Got RCAs in (barely).

    Couldn't figure out how to pop the head-unit out.. :(

    Alls that's left to do is, wire the remote turn-on wire, run power wire, get some 10ga butt connectors (fuse block is weird) cause i can't figure out how to get one end disconnected. It's looped together.....

    Would have gotten more done tonight but don't have a shop and ran out of light....

  25. How Long...?

    in General Audio - Can't find a category for your question? Ask here.

    Posted

    the amp install is a slam in those all you need to do to pulll out the deck is to pull on the whole pease where the radio is at

    alright...

    and there's an opening towards the tranny hump for me to run rcas down by there right??

    another question, is there an existing grommet in the firewall to run 4ga or 8ga wire through??

    i wish he had his truck here, that way i wouldn't be asking so many damn questions. :P lol

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