01xtreme Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 I just saw this on another forum, and thought it was pretty funny. 1. Don't call, ever. 2. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, like "Spike." 3. Play with yourself. Talk about it. 4. You are a man. Remember, no matter what, it isn't your fault. 5. Lie. 6. Never ask for help. Even if you really need it, don't ask. People will think you have no penis. 7. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them. 8. If, God forbid, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible. 9. Lie. 10. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine. 11. Say things like "Wha. . . ?" 12. Deny everything. Everything. 13. Don't have a clue. 14. If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel. Enforce this rule at all times. 15. Tell this to your girl before you have sex, "Don't worry. If you don't have an orgasm, you won't get pregnant." 16. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at anything, either pretend it's not true or kick some ass. 17. Lie. 18. Do NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. For example: Question: "Honey, will you take me out for a romantic dinner?" Answer: "Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce daily." 19. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like genitalia. 20. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don't know. 21. Play with your penis only if you are in a public place with people you don't know. 22. You are NOT a virgin, ever. Males are born without virginity. 23. Females do not care what you do to them as long as they get to please you. 24. Basic fundamental rule of dating: Quantity, not quality. 25. Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality. 26. Lie. 27. Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what do you have to cry about anyway? 28. Women are your napkins. Use them and then throw them away. 29. Remember, every virgin girl is saving herself for YOU. 30. If your women makes you go shopping with her, drive around until a parking spot right near the door opens up. If this takes hours, so be it. You will have the coveted "Door Spot" and others will worship you. 31. If you're on a date and there is a lull in the conversation, tell the girl how many dorms you have been laid in. 32. When you tell a girl about your past, it's good to say, "God, I was such a pimp back then." 33. Here's a good trick. Tell a girl that you're going to leave and when you come back you want her naked and sprawled out on the bed. Leave and go into her dad's room and tell him he should go check on his daughter. Then drive like hell. 34. The best sex position is you, lying face up. . . and twenty girls on top. 35. Practice your blank stare. 36. If you're ever forced to show emotion, just pick a random emotion, like rage, lust and insanity, and display them at random, inconvenient times. You won't be asked to do it again. 37. If you are asked to do something you REALLY don't want to do, first try your manly best to get out of it. If that doesn't work, go ahead and do what you were asked to do, but complain that you don't know howto do it and continuously ask questions on how to do each little part. If no one rushes in to do it for you yet, finish the job in the most half-assed way you possibly can and then say "See???? I told you I couldn't do it." Eventually people will stop asking you to do things. 38. Do not listen to "pussy music" like Color Me Badd or the oldies. 39. Scratch your balls. See if you can embarrass people. 40. Lie. Quote My System: Pioneer AVH-P3200BT 4-Dayton 7 inch reference series (front doors) 8-Onkyo 3/4 inch tweeters (dash) 1-Sundown Audio 100.4D (mids/highs) 2-18" BTL's (for now) Crescendo 3kwp (for sale) Complete rebuild coming soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
memphis_finest1 Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 24. Basic fundamental rule of dating: Quantity, not quality. 25. Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality. Humm sounds like im in the right ball park ha ha ha i knew i was doing something right !!!!! Quote ALLAH's the most gracious, he made the universe the most spaciousSeen and heard in all places, but still appear facelessEmbraces all races, all caste and all casesIn every spec of life he's the substance of all traces Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigPimpin91 Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 #33 I fell out of my damn chair! Quote BigPimpin91's Banging Music Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Xplorer Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 These are good. I found another list somewhere else on the interwebs, I may have to dig it up Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XtremeSPL-SCAMMER Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 #33 I fell out of my damn chair! there was a few of these i LOL... my girl was standing over my shoulder reading them too... they were funny.. Quote IM A LOW LIFE SCAMMER SO I WAS BANT....TEH HAMMA is NOT my friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amalan Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 #33 I fell out of my damn chair! x2 funny shit good find! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
needlesnpins Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 im a victim of 24 & 25 haha Quote 12" fi Bl loaded RF power 1000 RF 25 farad cap 3SIXTY.2 processing 200A Alt 01' grand prix GT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BassJunkie Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 18. Do NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. For example: Question: "Honey, will you take me out for a romantic dinner?" Answer: "Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce daily." 36. If you're ever forced to show emotion, just pick a random emotion, like rage, lust and insanity, and display them at random, inconvenient times. You won't be asked to do it again. LMFAO I was dying reading this Quote 1986 C20 Suburban 9 American Bass XFL 15's B2 M1MKII 14v XS Power Batteries Maxwell Caps Acoustical energy is free. Electrical energy is not you havent lived until you've hit a screw with a router. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rizzy71 Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 these are awesome. i always just play or scratch my self in public when im with my girl friend just to embarrass her. i showed these to my mom and she was dying laughing Quote BRENT1997 GMC Yukon1-DC xl18"Stetsom 2K5E3-Kinetik HC1800's 1967 Pontiac GTO Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XtremeSPL-SCAMMER Posted January 12, 2008 Report Share Posted January 12, 2008 we are men damnit.. i am sure we all got guilty of #18.. i get asked to do things all the time.. and i esp. suck at doing dishes.. so i dont even try.. but they still ask me to do them.. our dish washer was broke and i accidently left dish soap on them dishes and gave everyone the runs.. and everyone was pissed off at me.. and yet i am still asked to do them... imust not have left enough soap on them... Quote IM A LOW LIFE SCAMMER SO I WAS BANT....TEH HAMMA is NOT my friend Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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