Forevrbumpn Posted February 10, 2009 Report Share Posted February 10, 2009 Ive scrolled thru these a few times before, some are real, and just saved, so you cant respond back through the ad I seen this one, and figured, well hell if weed was legalized, and taxed, I think the USA would have NO more problems with the economy for awhile http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/vis/975628171.html Quote I have a ritual called "terminator". I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andrew2944r Posted February 10, 2009 Report Share Posted February 10, 2009 lool, that Opossum looks pissed. Quote Team Ampere Audio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamenNoodles Posted February 10, 2009 Report Share Posted February 10, 2009 I love the best of craigslist. Quote Diablo Audio Technologies Fi Car Audio Ascendant Audio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RamenNoodles Posted February 10, 2009 Report Share Posted February 10, 2009 Check this one out hahahahahah. http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/anc/983394945.html Quote Diablo Audio Technologies Fi Car Audio Ascendant Audio Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forevrbumpn Posted February 10, 2009 Report Share Posted February 10, 2009 What the fuck people! I need a motherfuckin job, and I have a resume that says I am fucking fit to be your goddamn front desk/administrative assistant. I have applied to a ton of jobs on here, and not one of them responded, WHAT THE FUCK?! Cover Letter? Here's my fucking cover letter! Now, I'm really low on money, and I'll suck a dick if I have to...that's right! Got a bear in your backyard that keeps eating your garbage? I'll fight that motherfucker and I'll win! Can any other prospective employee say that?! FUCK NO! What'd you say? You lost your keys? FUCK IT! I'll shoot the goddamn lock off your door with my laser eyes! That's how bad I need a motherfuckin job! Your brother is gay and you're not cool with that? I'll de-gay him with reverse buttsex. Don't believe me?! Then hire me and I'll fucking show you! OBJECTIVE I need a motherfuckin job. SHIT I HAVE DONE -I invented the moon. -Atlantis was around til 1988, but sunk when I shot out of my mom's vagina like a silver bullet into a wolverine. -I am also a wolverine. -Had sex with the Spice Girls. -The blowjob machine was originally my idea until that bastard Clint Eastwood stole it. -I have prophetic visions of the apocolypse. -Watched the movie "Juwanna Mann" at least 18 times. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0247444/ -Created a new genre of dance in which people get so into it that radiation waves pulsate off of them, I like to call this the microrave. -I reverse engineered a door, I now know how it works. -When I was 8, a frisbee flew into my backyard and I blew it up with my mind. -My brother is the Eiffel Tower -Direct descendant of Beowulf -Can make weapons out of anything, very useful in a hostile work environment -Beat my pornography addiction when I was 19 -Proficient in Microsoft Office and Photoshop RELEVANT WORK EXPERIENCE GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doing POSITION: Front Desk/Administrative Assistant DUTIES: Setting up sex scandals in which to blackmail wealthy politicians, forwarding email, burning down the houses of the poor, loan sharking, answering phones, greeting clients in a manner that would frighten most people GreenHate Enterprises POSITION: Once Again, I was a fucking Front Desk/Administrative Assistant DUTIES: Organizing the dumping of bio-waste into the ocean, peeing in lakes, digging holes to fill with garbage, making garbage out of perfectly good and useful items, filling said wholes with said garbage, creating fake facts about Greenpeace and publishing them on the internet(I am internet savvy), good at filing...documents of hate. REFERENCES Glomgor Evil GlomGlom Corporation of Evil Doings [email protected] Sloblor the Muck Monster GreenHate Enterprises [email protected] So, now that you know the real me, are you gonna hire me or not? I would like to remind you that I can make weapons out of anything. Sincerely, Steve Madonna [email protected] remember.....anything. Quote I have a ritual called "terminator". I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forevrbumpn Posted February 10, 2009 Report Share Posted February 10, 2009 Hello and thanks for viewing my posting. Up for sale is a Pilot Precise V5 Liquid Ink Rollerball Pen that offers a unique microprecision point for a crisp, clean stroke. Large, economical ink supply. Seethrough ink reservoir window. Fine point writes 0.5mm lines; extrafine point writes 0.3mm lines. Line width varies with degree of pressure. This pen was purchased from Walmart no less than a month ago, and writes as if it was brand new. The pen originally came in a two pack, however it's mate was put through my washer and drier resulting in ink all over my clothes, thus I get rid of this pen as I consider it bad luck. Additionally, with the way our economy is going with the recession, 50¢ can buy me 3 packs of Ramen Noodles. This pen was awarded the #1 rolling ball pen made in the U.S. and below is the technical specifications for this pen.... • Barrel - Plastic with visible ink supply • Ink Color - Black • Pocket Clip - Yes • Point/Line Size - Extra Fine • Type - Roller Ball I really hate to get rid of this Pen, we have shared lots of memories together such as writing in my journal, balancing my check book, and even writing on my room mates face when he was sleeping. The prospective buyer is welcome to come over and experience this pen "first hand", then you can decided wether or not it will be right for you. I will only sell this pen locally. I don't really care if your brother that is on a business trip in africa really needs a Precise V5, if he want's it that bad, he will get on an airplane and fly to Boise, Idaho to pick it up. So please, I am not interested in your checks. I will only accept coins in hand! Oh and one last thing, please do not email me asking if the pen is still available, If you are reading this post... I still have it. Additionally, please do not try and low-ball me. I know how much this pen is worth. • Local Sales Only • Delivery Available Depending On Location • Price is 50¢ FIRM • Quote I have a ritual called "terminator". I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forevrbumpn Posted February 10, 2009 Report Share Posted February 10, 2009 Roaches: Stop shitting in my refrigerator Date: 2008-12-18, 4:13PM EST I haven't actually caught you in the act, but there is roach shit littered all over the shelves in my refrigerator. When I arrived, I made sure to remove all the components of said appliance and gave everything a thorough scrubbing, largely in part because of the unidentified rice-like pellets all over the place which I assumed was leftover food spilled by the previous occupant. Oh how wrong I was, as less than a week later there was a fresh covering of the stuff all over the sparklingly clean fridge shelf. At first I was perplexed as to how you were getting in as I'm pretty sure you don't possess the strength or even body weight needed in order to open the door. Ah, I see now. The vent that keeps the cold air circulating is effing HUGE and somehow you're getting into that and making your way into the unit. What I don't understand is how I never ever catch you in the act or even find any of you dead. You are crafty roaches and I commend you on your ability to hide and scurry and attack my food supply like fucking Al Qaeda. I HAVE seen you skulking around my baseboards a time or two and I have to say, you are REALLY FAST for your size, which, as anyone in the South can attest is FREAKING HUGE. In all likelihood you will outlive humans as a species and you are damn sure better at staying alive in general, but for now, get the fuck out of my apartment. Google tells me you like stinky things. Explore that impulse and leave me alone. I'm surprised you find my place all that palatable what with the odd smells coming from the place across the hall and what has got to be Funkatron 2008 in the crackhouse down the street. Whatever you do, at the very least, please STOP SHITTING IN MY REFRIGERATOR. Quote I have a ritual called "terminator". I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
manueltrem Posted February 10, 2009 Report Share Posted February 10, 2009 FAIL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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