lovellsz Posted June 26, 2007 Report Share Posted June 26, 2007 There once was pirate captain who, whenever it looked like a battle would be imminent would change into a red shirt. After observing this behavior for a few months, one of the crew members asked him what it meant. "It's in case I get shot. I don't want you crew members to see blood and freak out." "That's very sensible, sir." At that moment, the crew member spotted eight hostile ships on the horizon. The captain all of a sudden looked very concerned. "Get my brown pants." RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted June 26, 2007 Report Share Posted June 26, 2007 A little boy came down for breakfast one morning and asked his grandma, "Where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied, "they're up in bed." The little boy started to giggle and ate his breakfast and went out to play. Then he came back in for lunch and asked his grandma "Where's Mom and Dad?" and she replied "They're still up in bed." Again, the little boy started to giggle and he ate his lunch and went out to play. Then the little boy came in for dinner and once again he asked his grandma "Where's Mom and Dad?" and his grandmother replied "They're still up in bed." The little boy started to laugh and his grandmother asked, "What gives? Every time I tell you they're still up in bed you start to laugh! What is going on here?" The little boy replied, "Well, last night, Daddy came into my bedroom and asked me for the Vaseline and I gave him super glue." RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted June 26, 2007 Report Share Posted June 26, 2007 John, woke up after the annual office Christmas party with a pounding headache, cotton-mouthed and utterly unable to recall the events of the preceding evening. After a trip to the bathroom, he made his way downstairs, where his wife put some coffee in front of him. “Louise,” he moaned, “tell me what happened last night. Was it as bad as I think?” “Even worse,” she said, her voice oozing scorn. “You made a complete ass of yourself. You succeeded in antagonising the entire board of directors and you insulted the president of the company, right to his face.” “He’s an asshole,” John said. “Piss on him.” “You did,” came the reply. “And he fired you.” “Well, screw him!” said John. “I did. You're back at work on Monday." RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted June 26, 2007 Report Share Posted June 26, 2007 There are 3 guys in hell, devil says to them I'm gonna lock you in a room of vast size, you can have one thing and one thing only. Devil walks up to the first guy. and says " What do you want" guy looks at him and say;s " I want lots of fancy food, mountain's high. Devil nods and locks him into the room. Then he walk up to the 2nd guy, and says " and u" . He looks up at the devil and says " I want nothing but sexy girls willing to put out when ever i want" devil nods and locks him into the room. Devil walks up to the last guy and says " and what do you want" He pauses and says " Man I want the best weed in the world nothing but killer green" Devil nods and locks the door. 1,000 Years later Devil unlocks the 1st door, opens door and you see a Really over weight, can hardly walk. Looks up and says " Devil.... devil you gotta help me please" Devil looks down @ him and says " Fuck You" Locks the door Devil unlocks the 2nd door, opens the door. You see herds of kids running around, old women dieng around. He looks up to him and says "Devil Devil you gotta help". Devil looks @ him and says "Fuck you" and locks the door. Devil unlocks the 3rd door. opens the door. The man runs up to him and screams " HEY MAN DO YOU HAVE A FUCKING LIGHTER" RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finkster Posted June 26, 2007 Report Share Posted June 26, 2007 ^^^haha funny shit...heres one...wadda u call 3 fags in a sleeping bag?..... a fruit roll up... DAT 4125------>RE XXX comps active Eclipse cd7000 I serve drunks for a living Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EricR Posted June 26, 2007 Report Share Posted June 26, 2007 lmao ^^.....heres one short version... dude comes home early from work his wifes packin her suitcase hes like wtf you doin shes like i heard you can get 300 bucks for a blowjob so he goes and gets his and starts packin his and shes like wtf you doin and he said im goin wit you i wanna see how you can live off 600$ a year i was thinking leave the 12 sitting in the box in the hole and duck tape from the bottom of the sub to the bottom of the baffle so the sub doesnt free air. would that work? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finkster Posted June 26, 2007 Report Share Posted June 26, 2007 a kid got a brand new bike for Xmas and he was so excited he took it out for a spin right away... he knew the neigborhood fairly well and knew since it was xmas nobody would be out on the roads so he decides to ride on the streets... as the kid stops at a traffic light a cop shows up next to him on a horseback "Nice bike kid, did Santa give that bike to ya?" "Yea" says the kid. "Well next year tell Santa to put some tail lights on it" and the cop gives the kid a ticket. The kid looks at the cop's horse and says "Thats a nice horse u got there, did santa give it to ya?" Humoring the little kid, the cop says "Yea santa gave it to me". The kid replies "well next year tell santa to put the dick under the horse, not on top of it" DAT 4125------>RE XXX comps active Eclipse cd7000 I serve drunks for a living Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
finkster Posted June 26, 2007 Report Share Posted June 26, 2007 a young daughter and her mother were taking a walk when the daughter asks "Mommy, how much do u weigh?" The mother replies"Sweetie, women dont like to talk about their weight." A minute goes by and the small girl again asks "Mommy, how old are you?" Again the mother gives a similar reply "Honey, women dont like to talk about their age like that." Later on the girl asks "Mommy, why did u and daddy get divorced?" The mother says "Sweetie, I just dont feel comfortable talking about it right now. Frustarted the little girl goes over to her friends house later to play. She says to her friend "My mommy never tells me the things i want to know, like how old she is or how much she weighs." Her friends replies "Thhats easy, just take your mommy's drivers license. Its just like a report card, it tells u everything." The girl thinks this is a grand idea, and therefor caries out this plan. The next day the girl and her mom go for another walk when she decides shes gonna surprise her mom with what she now knows. "Mommy, you're 32 years old." The mother pauses in astonishment. "Mommy, you weigh 146 pounds" Again the mother is shocked at her remarks. The girl then says "And mommy, i know why you and daddy got divorsed, you got an "F" in sex. DAT 4125------>RE XXX comps active Eclipse cd7000 I serve drunks for a living Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WickeD Posted June 27, 2007 Report Share Posted June 27, 2007 A husband forgets his wedding anniversary and the wife tells him when she wakes up there BETTER be something sitting in the garage that goes 0-200 in 4 seconds. So she wakes up and opens the door to the garage...there sitting where her car should be is a scale. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted July 1, 2007 Report Share Posted July 1, 2007 that was a good one heh One day a 6 year old was sitting in a classroom. The teacher was going to explain evolution to the children. The teacher asked a little boy: TEACHER: Tommy do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes. TEACHER: Tommy, do you see the grass outside? TOMMY: Yes. TEACHER: Go outside and look up and see if you can see the sky. TOMMY: Okay.(He returned a few minutes later) Yes, I saw the sky. TEACHER: Did you see God? TOMMY: No. TEACHER: That's my point. We can't see God because he isn't there. He just doesn't exist. A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask the boy some questions. The teacher agreed and the little girl asked the boy: LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the tree outside? TOMMY: Yes LITTLE GIRL: Tommy do you see the grass outside? TOMMY: Yessssss! LITTLE GIRL: Did you see the sky? TOMMY: Yessssss! LITTLE GIRL: Tommy, do you see the teacher? TOMMY: Yes. LITTLE GIRL: Do you see her brain? TOMMY: No. LITTLE GIRL: Then according to what we were taught today in school, she must not have one! RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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