I was in the exact same boat in February. My dad had shot himself, the last time I seen him maybe 2 days prior I had waved at him and he looked me in the eye and didn't acknowledge me at all. It has been that way my entire life.
I can honestly say I didn't care one bit that he died. I have all kinds of people that tell me I need to talk to someone about it, but honestly I could give a shit less...I don't concider him a father not even the slightest.
So I for sure understand what you're going through Steve, its a weird feeling no doubt.