lovellsz Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 A married couple both lost their jobs at the broom factory, and were having a hard time finding new jobs. Unfortunately, their mounting credit card debt required some immediate income. The wife suggested that she could whore herself out, but her husband was a little less than thrilled about the prospect. But financial necessities got the best of her, and she went behind her husband's back to go whoring. She came back one night with a huge wad of cash, and fessed up to her hubby. He was upset, but asked how much she made. "$398.10," she said. "Who paid ten cents?" he asked. "Everybody." RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 A wife arrived home and found her husband in bed with another woman. With superhuman strength borne of fury, she dragged him out of the house, into the tool shed in their back yard and put his penis in a vice. Securing it tightly and removing the handle of the vice, she then picked up a hacksaw. Terrified, her husband screamed, "Stop! Please! You aren't going to cut it off, are you?" Placing the saw in her husband's hand and with a gleam of revenge in her eye, the wife replied, "Of course not! I'm going to set fire to the shed. You do whatever you have to do!" RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 There is this guy who has a 25 inch dick. He goes to a witch in the woods and asks her if she can make his dick smaller because he just can't please the ladies because it is just too big, he hasn't found a lady yet who likes it and he can't get any pleasure. She tells him to go into the woods and he will find a frog when he finds the frog he is to ask it to marry him. If the frog says no, his cock will shrink 5 inches. He goes into the woods and finds this frog. He asks "frog, will you marry me?" The frog says "no" And his prick shrinks five inches. The guy thinks to himself, "Wow, that was pretty cool. But, it's still too big." So he goes back to the frog and again asks the frog: "Frog, will you marry me?" Frog: "No, I won't marry you." The guy’s dick shrinks another five inches. But that's still 15 inches and he thinks his chop is still just a little bit too big. But he thinks that 10 inches would be just great. He goes back to the frog and asks: "Frog, will you marry me?" Frog: How many times do I have to tell you NO, NO, NO!!! RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 We all know how literally impossible it is to not offend SOMEONE these days, everyone is just SO FUCKING TOUCHY... So this guide will help you on how to speak about the opposite sex in a POLITICALLY CORRECT way... HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT She is not a BABE or a CHICK; she is a BREASTED AMERICAN. She is not a SCREAMER or MOANER; she is VOCALLY APPRECIATIVE. She is not EASY; she is HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE. She is not DUMB; she is a DETOUR OFF THE INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY. She has not BEEN AROUND; she is a PREVIOUSLY ENJOYED COMPANION. She is not an AIR HEAD; she is REALITY IMPAIRED. She does not get DRUNK or TIPSY; she gets CHEMICALLY INCONVENIENCED. She is not HORNY; she is SEXUALLY FOCUSED. She does not have BREAST IMPLANTS; she is MEDICALLY ENHANCED. She does not NAG YOU; she becomes ORALLY REPETITIVE. She is not a SLUT; she is SEXUALLY EXTROVERTED. She is not a TWO BIT WHORE; she is a LOW COST PROVIDER. HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT He does not have a BEER GUT; he has developed a LIQUID GRAIN STORAGE FACILITY. He is not a BAD DANCER; he is OVERLY CAUCASIAN. He does not GET LOST ALL THE TIME; he INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE DESTINATIONS. He is not BALDING; he is in FOLLICLE REGRESSION. He is not a CRADLE ROBBER; he prefers GENERATIONAL DIFFERENTIAL RELATIONSHIPS. He does not get FALLING-DOWN DRUNK; he becomes ACCIDENTALLY HORIZONTAL. He does not act like a TOTAL ASS; he develops a case of RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION. He is not a MALE CHAUVINIST PIG; he has SWINE EMPATHY. He is not afraid of COMMITMENT; he is MONOGAMOUSLY CHALLENGED. He is not QUIET; he is a CONVERSATIONAL MINIMALIST. He is not STUPID; he suffers from MINIMAL CRANIAL DEVELOPMENT. He is not SHORT; he is ANATOMICALLY COMPACT. He does not CONSTANTLY TALK ABOUT CARS; he has a VEHICULAR ADDICTION. He is not UNSOPHISTICATED; he is SOCIALLY MALFORMED. He does not EAT LIKE A PIG; he suffers from REVERSE BULIMIA. He does not HOG THE BLANKETS; he is THERMALLY UNAPPRECIATIVE. He doesn't have a DIRTY MIND; he has INTROSPECTIVE PORNOGRAPHIC MOMENTS. RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 A blonde, brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early. "Hey, girls," says the brunette, "lets go home early tomorrow. She'll never know." So the next day, they all leavve right after the boss does. The brunette gets sme gardening done, the red head goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She queitly sneeks out of the house and returns home at her normal time. "That was fun," says the brunette the next day at work. "We should do it again some time." "No way," says the blonde, "I almost got caught" RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 a couple oxymorons Act naturally Microsoft Works Holy war Found missing Resident alien Minor Catastrophe Affordable housing Near miss Great depression Canadian army Phone sex United nations Advanced BASIC Genuine imitation Death benefits Airline Food Women's rights Good grief Same difference Almost exactly Sensitive man Government organization Everything except Civil War Good kid Sanitary landfill Alone together Legally drunk Silent scream British fashion Living dead Small crowd Business ethics Soft rock Butt Head Military Intelligence Software documentation New York culture New classic Sweet sorrow Childproof "Now, then" Synthetic natural gas Christian Scientists Passive aggressive Taped live Clearly misunderstood Peace force Extinct Life Temporary tax increase New and improved Computer jock Plastic glasses Terribly pleased Computer security Political science Tight slacks Definite maybe Pretty ugly Twelve-ounce pound cake Diet ice cream Rap music Working vacation Exact estimate Religious tolerance Freezer Burn Honest Politician Jumbo Shrimp Loners Club Postal Service Happily married RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 A classroom full of kids were excited to get out for the weekened. The teacher said "lets play a game" The game was this, The teacher would say famous quotes from history and the kids would have to recognize who said it, and if they got it right they could leave early. The teacher asks who said "i have a dream?" Tommy answered " Martin Luther King" Thats right the teacher said you can go home. Then she asked who said " Its not what what your country can do for you but what you can do for your country" and two girls blurted out JFK! The two girls are arguing over who said it first and little johnny was getting annoyed so from the back of the room Johnny said " I WISH THESE BITCHES WOULD SHUTUP! " The teacher said "who sad that" Johnny said "Bill Clinton May i go home now!" RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 A young man was lost wandering in a forest, when he came upon a small house. He knocked on the door and was greeted by an ancient Chinese man with a long, grey beard. "I'm lost," said the man. "Can you put me up for the night?" "Certainly," the Chinese man said, "but on one condition. If you so much as lay a finger on my daughter, I will inflict upon you the three worst Chinese tortures known to man." "Ok," said the man, thinking that the daughter must be pretty old as well, and entered the house. Before dinner, the daughter came down the stairs. She was young, beautiful, and had a fantastic figure. She was obviously attracted to the young man since she couldn't keep her eyes off him during the meal. Remembering the old man's warning, he ignored her and went up to bed alone. But during he night, he could bear it no longer, and sneaked into her room for a night of passion. He was careful to keep everything quiet so the old man wouldn't hear. Near dawn he crept back to his room, exhausted, but happy. He woke in the morning with the feel of pressure on his chest. Opening his eyes he saw a large rock on his chest with a note on it that read, "Chinese Torture 1: Large rock on chest." "Well, that's pretty crappy," he thought. "If that's the best the old man can do then I don't have much to worry about." He picked the boulder up, walked over to the window and threw the boulder out. As he did so he noticed another note on it that read: "Chinese Torture 2: Rock tied to left testicle." In a panic he glanced down and saw the rope that was already getting close to the end. Figuring that a few broken bones was better than castration, he jumped out of the window after the boulder. As he plummeted downward he saw a large sign on the ground that read, "Chinese Torture 3: Right testicle tied to bedpost." RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 One night a police officer was staking out a particularly rowdy bar for possible DUI violations. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out of the bar, trip on the curb and try his keys on five different cars before he found his. The man sat in the front seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Meanwhile, all the other patrons left the bar and drove off. Finally he started his engine and began to pull away. The police officer was waiting for him. As soon as he pulled onto the street, the officer stopped him, read him his rights and administered the breathalyzer test to determine his blood-alcohol content. The results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight I'm the designated decoy." RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovellsz Posted March 21, 2007 Report Share Posted March 21, 2007 In church class the teacher asked all the children what part of their body they think goes to heaven first. One little girl says, "Your hands, because when you are praying your hands are together and pointing to heaven." "Very good, who else has an idea?" A little boy raises his hand and says, "Your eyes, because when you are talking to god your looking into heaven." "That is good, we will take one more." Little Johny raises his hand and says, "You are both wrong, its your feet that go to heaven first." "Why do you think its your feet?" "Becasue last night my moms feet were pointing to heaven and she was screaming, Oh God, I'm cumming I'm cumming, And she would of if my Daddy wasn't on top of her." RF Punch 40x2RF Punch 100x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 200x2RF Punch 400x4JL Audio 10W7-3"but its only a 200 watt amp tho" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.