Steve,we are only human's and have emotion's like good,bad,sad,happy,and so on. Yes, us being guy's,we tend to be more"macho",and act tougher than who we really are. There's no perfect father or mother,but if it was not for them,none of us would be here. I'm really sorry for what your father put you through,but somehow,and someway you made it in life,and now you have your own children,and that's what you focus on. You must forgive him and do not hold that inside of you,cause it will hurt you in the long run. Believe me,I have thing's I myself need to let go of,and If you ever need someone to talk to,please feel free to hit me up. Stay strong my brother and remember that life goes on.