Coming Home From Iraq...

[Sexyhex]

Well, I needed to vent my anxiety and happiness somewhere so I figured I would get *some* love on SMD, so here goes:

Just a wake-up left and where out this bitch called Iraq. It's been a long 14 months. They said we were staying 15, but only 14. 18 days short of our 15 month mark. At this point, what's 18 days? Do I want to go home? Yes and no. I know you're reading this and are all like, "WTF DUDE! NO?!" Yea, I said, "No." This cat must be smokin' something...no, here's what's up. Re-deployment is a big deal. It's scary. This being my second deployment, I know little things here and there that I didn't know last time. It seemed like it was okay to be full of hatred and angst but this time, no? Have we not been fighting the same fight? Of course.

The shitty part about all this is feelings of happiness, anger, betrayal, and mix in depression; you've got a full house now with no clear way to deal with it all. At this point, we get a bad name because we're just trying to re-adjust after not being home for so long. We try to de-stress but you get tools and mouth breathers that make all this that much worse. You feel happiness because you're home and you're alive. You're around friends and family once again. You're around people who, more or less, are happy for you to be stateside. Of course we always have some crazy "church group" from Missouri or some shit there protesting outside post when we land calling us baby killers, bad people, etc. You get the idea.

This is when the anger sets in. Ignorant people like this piss you off. You get this hero complex where you've been dodging bullets (sometimes literally....) and getting your ass blown up and fighting til you can't stand anymore, not for these faggots, just so you and your buddy can make it home. Don't take this the wrong way; I do this for my family, my girl, the guys I work with. Granted they all piss me off at some point or another, you still love them. Sometimes you just want to break down and not go on, but that's not so much an option. I never really cared as long as the people around me made it back. I would go as far as to say I love the guys in my squad; they're like my brothers. No, they are my brothers. It's a bond you can't get anywhere else. Ultimately, I would kill everyone of these mother fuckers to make it so my loved ones exist in a world without all this drama.

Then rolls in betrayal...you cocoon up. You don't want to let anyone in. You feel hurt like your heart was ripped out and you're worthless. Life went on without you; people lived their lives and changed. Some guys get back and their wives/significant others have dropped about 35 grand in phat deployment money. Spent it on worthless things cheated on their guys. Wtf woman? We're stuck over here without jack and shit and you can't keep it to yourself til we get home? It gets mixed in. If you have kids, they've grown so much. They've grown up more and they've just been with mom, or in some cases, 'uncle' Jack. You're thinking to yourself, I'm pretty much useless to them. You want to think they have a hard time without you and they do, but it doesn't seem like it. Betrayed. Alone. Isolated.

This is when you get depressed and feel hopeless. Nothing matters but you and you start to get selfish. You absolve yourself in little things here and there, but you mostly go to work, hit up the Class Six (liquor store) before you head home and start on your bottle of Jack...you get home and it's half gone. Wtf? The song, "Every Day is Exactly the Same" by Nine Inch Nails. Every day is the same after this. Hell, it's the story of my life in the Army, however, this goes on. Anyone who has been depressed on a serious level knows this shit. Of course, we're all 'depressed' at some point, but to the point where all you think about is killing yourself. No more.

Wow, that's a lot of shit. Okay I needed to write that out and vent a little bit. It isn't for sympathy either. Let's face it, who really needs the reassurance of the internet? It's all common occurrences and it seems like no one ever wants to talk about it. It seems like no one really gets how difficult and frustrating it can me. You get the pogues (the fucks who sit on the FOB getting fat and drinking soda the whole deployment) bitching about how they have PTSD but then you get Infantry guys who have been out there fighting the fight day in and day out, not bitching about it, not saying anything. It's a brotherhood, if there ever was one. I've been in the Army a little over three years, deployed for two of them. Good numbers, huh?

If you've got something constructive to say, go for it. If you want to bitch about how, "BUSH SUX OBAMA IZ BETTER!" you can get out right now, that's not why I wrote it.

[stereomayhem]

Welcome home. Glad you could get some shit off your chest. Thank you for helping defend our country. I hope everything goes well for you on your return.

[ptcary]

Just take it one day at a time, man. Never forget that there are still many of us 'civilians' out here that have nothing but total respect for you guys and what you have to do over there!

[jagblazer01]

dude I understand where your coming from...kinda. My dad was deployed over there 3 times so Im looking at it through the stateside POV. I knew what was going on over there and I knew what was going on here in the states. People protesting at military funerals, that stupid ass church group outta missouri or wherever they are from. Im not even military and this shit pisses me off to no extent. You guys are over there fighting, risking your lives and people here can even have the decency or respect towards you all? thats a load of BS. I would love to see them over there trying to fight. I have got the most respect in the world for men and women in the military. So if I were you I wouldnt worry about things to much. There are more people here back home happy to see you rather then those that hate you. I dont know if this helps at all but just my thoughts. Thank you for your service to our country and god bless.

[Sexyhex]

I didn't mean for this to turn into a, "Hay look at me!!" sort of thing, however, I appreciate everything.

It's not so much worry, I know what's going to happen and I know what to do to prevent all this, but for some reason you can never keep this from sitting heavy on your heart. It just weighs you down, sometimes.

[ptcary]

Sometimes it's good just to be able to talk about it and express your feelings.

[Airborne]

Believe me bro, I have been there (got home end of May) and am still a little fucked up. I drink too much, have a short ass temper, never sleep and I don't do shit about it. I have been the Army for 11 years now and have been deployed for half of my married life. I am now in a posotion where I am going to be home for a while and I don't know what the fuck to do with my self. Probably drink too much, spend too much money on stereo equipment and maybe build a lowrider. You will be OK bro, if I am then you should be fine.

[sully]

Glad to here you made it thru another deployment. I'm going on block leave in a few days and when we get back it is our turn across the pond. Two out of three years is hard. It has been every other year being deployed for the last 6 years and I am only in the NG. I believe it is hardest for the families that we leave behind while we are gone because of the brotherhood soldiers have but it is much harder on the SM when we get home trying to re-integrate into a "normal life". With each deployment I have become more and more distant from friends and family, especially the closest ones. It is not intentional, it is just what happens, people don't understand what it is like to be a soldier and for the most part there is not a way to explain what we go thru so that they will understand.

As for the tree hugging gun hating super liberal freaks; keep your opinions to yourselves, the last thing that someone who has been in a CZ for a year plus needs is to be berated with anti-war propaganda. These people cause undue stress on an already emotionally stressed out soldier.

After you get back stateside let us know where you were and what kind of mission you had (CLP, MCP, EOD, FOB security)

[Airborne]

I didn't mean for this to turn into a, "Hay look at me!!" sort of thing, however, I appreciate everything.

It's not so much worry, I know what's going to happen and I know what to do to prevent all this, but for some reason you can never keep this from sitting heavy on your heart. It just weighs you down, sometimes.

Coming home is a process not an event. It takes time, and after all the memorials are over and the thanks for serving speaches are long gone you will still in a way be out there. I have three trips to Iraq under my belt and I actually miss that fucking place.

[Sexyhex]

After you get back stateside let us know where you were and what kind of mission you had (CLP, MCP, EOD, FOB security)

We're long gone where we were so it's safe for me to say. We were about 20 miles south of Baghdad outside a place called Yusufiyah. It was considered part of the Triangle of Death (Yusufiyah, Mamadiyah, Lutifiyah.) I'm 11B (Infantry) so we had our little patrol base in the middle of BFE. Our goal mission was to facilitate the turn over of the AO to the Iraqi Army and the SOI (Sons of Iraq.) We've been gone from there for a month and a half. Things are still going like they were. Our old patrol base is still there and the IAs have not been overrun. You can look at it two ways; we didn't do jack shit but walk around in the mud, meet hajj and drink chai or think of it that we won, because we did. We didn't RIP (Relief In Place) with another unit. Our AO (Area of Operation) is controlled by Iraq now and is still going strong.

Coming home is a process not an event. It takes time, and after all the memorials are over and the thanks for serving speaches are long gone you will still in a way be out there. I have three trips to Iraq under my belt and I actually miss that fucking place.

Like I said, this isn't my first rodeo, been there, got the tshirt. You're right, it doesn't really end. I personally hate the country, but to each their own.