What Are Some Ridiculous Things You've Heard At Work?

[raytard]

i worked like small time construction for a little while, and was with one other person taking EVERY FRIGGIN SHINGLE off a house, fixing anything rotten, tyvec wrapping it, and then putting up vinyl siding. the shingles were all like natural wood and so rotten we just took a roofing shovel and scraped em all off, and then were on ladders with crowbars pulling all the nails and staples off, and whatever was left of the tar paper.

3 days into it, manager comes by and goes "I said 16, not 14, thats the wrong fucking house! what the fuck is wrong with you guys!!!"

we shat bricks...I asked him if he was serious, and he goes "nah, just fuckin around, i brought you some gatorade and a magnet sweeper for all them nails you dropped in the garden"

Working at a stereo shop, a customer comes in and says he is looking for L7's and a box for his car, ask him what kind and he goes "bmw 315i" or something, and points out the window. I tell him because of how small his trunk is, we have to use a sealed box. I mean, yea, I'm 19, and no, i didnt look at his trunk, but its not like I hadnt already put subs in 7 of those cars that week, 2 of which were in our parking lot at the time. I knew exactly what the trunk looked like, and what would fit.

He goes off about how his friend has the same car and the same subs and its ported and blahblahblah. wont concede for anything besides 12 inch L7's in a PREFAB ported box, wouldnt pay for a custom one.

My manager hops in and yesses him to death, sells the subs, sells a prefab ported box, its a full 4 inches too wide to fit in. They upgrade him to the kicker prefab, same deal. Start custom making a ported box by cutting out a 12inch round box to squares...but test it first and it doesnt fit...take the sealed box i gave him originally, and it sits in there like it was meant to be, right on the humps so the spare tire opens, fills the space between wheel wells with 1/4 inch to spare, and is millimeters away from touching the speakers in the back deck. It was perfect, and i knew that, its the second time that week i put that box in that car.

3 hours he was there, fighting, heeing and hawing about how his friend fit 12 inch wide woofers and a 4 inch wide port into a 26 inch wide trunk, just to go "oh, he does have a sealed box, thats what he has in his car, he was here tuesday with the black 315"

i was sooooooo annoyed.

We had a lady come in to get her radio installed, had an appointment for like a week. She hands over the keys and goes "you dont need to go in the backseat for anything, do you?" not thinking anything of it i say no.

Turns out her kid puked alllll over the back of the car on the way to us. It then sat in the sun for a bit before we got around to it. We were just standing there letting the car air out wondering who leaves like pints of vomit in their car in summer without cleaning it. I couldnt even comprehend the grossness of it.

[micahmye]

I'm a Wireless Technician, and I don't usually see customers because I'm a supervisor but one time one of my guys calls me out saying that i should talk to this guy because he is a politician asshole and he's pissed off about his phone. So I go out to talk to him and the guy is very irate because "you guys are selling bullshit" I ask when he purchased his phone and he says a year ago, and I say I'm sorry sir but our return policy is 30 days, he says that that's to short and crap. So I listen to him yapping like politicians do. And I wait for his mouth to stop flapping and I ask to see his phone, he says oh its in the car, I'm like can you get it please. he bitches about having to walk (to many doughnuts?). and goes out and comes back in with a bag, a plastic bag. I'm like sir wheres the phone, he hands me the bag and I look inside to see a bunch of smashed pieces of a cellphone, I'm like what happened? he goes It blew out of my hand while I was talking and driving with my head out the window and the guy behind me ran over it. I'm like sir I'm sorry but that is outside of our warranty and our phones aren't designed to be ran over. he starts telling me our phones are shit and I show him the door and tell him if he want's to be rational and not make a scene I can offer him a good deal on a cell phone and this is when he proceeded to leave, hahaha.

[Bumpindemlowzz]

I work at a farm feed store.

This guy walks in the door and asks about getting a pallet "50 bags" of fertilizer. I told him the fertilizer has gone up quite a bit from last year and he says thats fine. Never asking the price we "me and my boss" loaded it by hand in this truck which is fine its our job and walks in to pay for it. We tell him the price and he S**ts Bricks for like a half an hour. Got in the truck and took off stealing it down the road two miles the guy gets pulled over and go's to jail. When he got out he went to the farm down the road and did basicly the same. what an idiot. People do not understand that ferilizer in this case and retail stores are not making a shit ton off there products. Now adays your lucky to even keep a store open let alone make money.

EVERY DAY 50% OF THE PEOPLE THAT WALK IN THE DOOR BITCH ABOUT PRICES. WE LAUGH WHEN THEY LEAVE IN THEIR 50,000 DOLLAR CADILLAC!!! In my view if you have a 50,000 dollar caddy or get a new car every year you have the money. either that or your a poser.

[FiBTLforlife]

i am a librarian at the university of south alabama and going full time in school (yeah im a bass head librarian) and i work at the circulation desk from 7-12 at night every night. so i get some weird people come and and i get some interesting events happen along the way. i guess i can share one since there is so many to choose from.

girl: hey, im wondering if you can help me. I have a document on my flash drive and i cant seem to get it pulled up on the computer. I think something is wrong with yalls computers.

Me: ok, lets see whats going on. Plug the flash drive in the computer. (few seconds go by) ok now what is it that your trying to pull up?

girl: a document i made.

me: ok, what is the document?? what kind??

girl: um, a paper document that i typed up...

Me: ok, (wtf is wrong with this girl) what is the program that you have used to type up your document in? word?

girl: um, i dont know. i think its works.

me: ok mam, we dont have works on our computers, just word. and i dont think any other computer in the next 100 mile radius has microsoft works downloaded on it.

girl: so what are u saying? i cant print it!!!!!!!!!! its due tom

Me; let me get my boss to help you

[qu1cks1lver56]

"So why don't they sound any good out here?"

'Because they aren't sounding any good down there.'

"What do you mean?"

'Well, if they don't sing on stage, they don't sing in the auditorium. Shit in, shit out. We can't polish a turd."

"Can you turn it up a little?"

'Well, if you don't give me any fucking signal, you don't get any volume.'

"How do we make it louder?"

'Sing, not talk.'

"oh, I thought the mics made it louder like that..."

FACEPALM

'You know mate, no electricity comes up through these leads. It's all hoses mate, they carry smoke. When smoke comes out of gear, it means you've broken something and let the smoke out. Gotta take care of you smokehoses.'

"Really? That explains so much."

FACEPALM

I had a band give me a hard time when I brought a large amount of audio gear to a gig, and the drummer said that it got 'so damn loud' in his car, he could make it that loud in the venue. So I got him to drive his car up the dock, onto the stage and ran the mix through it. After about ten seconds of his car shaking itself apart and not being able to hear a thing, he came up, blushing like mad, and asked if he could back his car out and give me a hand setting up.

Gold

Cheers,

Mick

bahahahahha i get stuff like that all the time.

especially when im running sound for plays (hate it but it pays more than im making not doing it)

the director is never satisfied with how loud it is and the actors cant ever speak up.