datbenz Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML lmao Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KyleCannon Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 chode? HAHAHA Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FMLlmao holy hell. that sucks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IH8PunkRok Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 i love that site haha. i think it gave me a virus the other day tho. oh well its totally worth it Quote -Matt2005 Dodge Magnum RTJVC KD-AVX1 2 PPI S580.2 Obsidian Audio ST1 Horn Tweeters PRV 8MB450s Audio Legion 3500.1D 2 RE MT 18s 360 ah LiFePO4 BatterySHCA 2/0 155.2 @ 29 hzKicker CVR 15's buildDD 3512e buildMini T-Line Build(6) 8s BuildNightshade 15s Wall BuildMagnum AB XFL 12s BuildNewest Magnum Build Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KyleCannon Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Here is some good ones: Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML Today, I was sitting in class and I fell asleep during the lesson. I was wearing sweatpants and had an erection. My teacher came up to me and grabbed my penis. She thought it was my phone. FML Today, I heard my sister masturbating in her room. I took the dog around the block to get out of the house, and I came back to see her leaving her room... my electric toothbrush in her hand. FML Today, my boyfriend told me he couldn't hang out with me because he felt really sick. I went to his house anyway to surprise him with homemade soup. I walk in to his room only to find him hooking up with my sister. She can't drive, our mom drove her there. FML Today, my girlfriend dumped me proclaiming she wanted someone more like her "Edward". I asked her who Edward was. She held up a copy her "Twilight" book. She was talking about a fictional vampire. FML Today, my mom : "You and your dad like all the same foods right? Try this for me", she then proceeds to give me a strawberry flavored jelly. I say that it tastes good and ask what she gave me. "It's my new nipple cream, I want to surprise your dad tonight." FML Today, I saw an elderly man fall in a crosswalk, so I jumped off my bike to help. As I helped him across, the light turned green. At that point I noticed my phone had fallen out of my pocket in the street and was run over by several cars. I then watched across a 6 lane street as someone stole my bike. FML Today, this really attractive woman that I've known for years told me that when I can have sex with her standing up, she'll have sex with me. I'm confined to a wheelchair. FML Today, my husband dropped me off at work, ten minutes later I got a text saying" I just dropped the b*tch off I'll be there in a few baby, miss you". I asked him about it he said he "I dont know what youre talking about Megan". My name isnt Megan, not even close. FML Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. When he was about to orgasm, he screamed "Yes Brittany!" at the top of his lungs. My name's not Brittany. That's his sister. FML Today, I found out that I am being sued for losing a set of wedding photos that I took. I lost them by being mugged on the way home after the shoot and £10,000 worth of equipment was stolen from me. FML and the list goes on..... hahaha! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
slmd95s10 Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 wow!! these stories are hillarious!!!! Quote 2003 Chevy Avalanche Z66 Headunit: Pioneer AVIC-F700BT Amps: US Amps XT4000D, US Amps XT 1600.4 Front Stage: CDT Audio EF-61FG 6 1/2" components Rear: Pioneer coax's Sub Stage: RE SE15D4's Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CodyB Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled : "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FMLlmao That would be a really bad joke to pull if she was actually on the pill... Especially if she waited like 8 weeks to call the guy and tell him she was in fact on the pill, I personally would have thought about punching her in the throat after that cause thats a dirty ass trick to try to keep him... Guys dont want to be there if shes trapping you... Quote 88-98 GM Full Size Forum www.GMT400.com i put fuses on power wires, and condoms on fuses, to keep the fuses safe! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forevrbumpn Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Oh damn this website is hilarious Quote I have a ritual called "terminator". I crouch in the shower in the "naked terminator" pose. With eyes closed I crouch for a minute and visualize either Arnie or the guy from the 2nd movie. I then start to hum the T2 theme. Slowly I rise to a standing position and open my eyes. It helps me get through my day. The only problem is if the shower curtain sticks to my terminator leg. It sorta ruins the fantasy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest KyleCannon Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 (edited) This should be a sticky lmfao. Well not really, but i love this site; got so many people addicted to it so far. Edited March 17, 2009 by KyleCannon Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tequila Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Today, I was eating lunch naked at my home watching porn on the big screen. I heard the garage door opening meaning my roommate was coming home. In my haste to get dressed, I fell back in the barstool I was sitting in and knocked myself out. I woke up still naked and with lettuce all over me. FML hahaha Quote '99 Civic hatch 18" AA Chaos - 7cuft @ 34hz - 114sq in. port Mac Audio Fearless ~ 1000wrms @ 2 Ohms Videos: Youtube Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
01xtreme Posted March 17, 2009 Report Share Posted March 17, 2009 Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML That's hilarious. I do that to people all the time at work when they dont think I understand Spanish, or Portugese. Today, I was sifting through my parents old home movies. I put in one and was horrified to see my parents having sex. I immediatly ejected the tape and looked at the label. It said "Bermuda, 1989". They've told me I was conceived in Bermuda around that time. I've seen my own conception. FML BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...best one i've seen this week. Quote My System: Pioneer AVH-P3200BT 4-Dayton 7 inch reference series (front doors) 8-Onkyo 3/4 inch tweeters (dash) 1-Sundown Audio 100.4D (mids/highs) 2-18" BTL's (for now) Crescendo 3kwp (for sale) Complete rebuild coming soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.