ZombieswithMustaches

"Chuck Norris is so bad, he takes a baseball bat into the bathroom with him incase he craps out a wildcat and has to beat it to death"

"You get what you work for, not what you wish for!" - as seen on a tshirt at the zoo. Words of wisdom.

*sexy update* five old ladies, two old dudes and me. Things just got a lil' more interesting!

After a decent timeout from hurting my back, I started back on the treadmill today! So, hopefully, my new shirt can read: Bald, Tattooed, Slightly Chubby (but working to non-chubby) and Awesome.

After a long day of work yesterday, I, being the wonderful and loving husband, told my amazing and unnaturally, beautiful wife that I would mow the yard before eating her astounding homemade enchiladas! Later she gave me an amazing foot massage before she fell asleep and started snoring! I love you, sizzle tits! I don't deserve you and I'm not sure how I'll ever pay God back for giving you to me!

Ain't nobody dope as me, I'm just so fresh, so clean...

Any fool can hop from bed to bed but it takes a skilled lover to keep your spouse interested for a lifetime! - a pastor I once heard.

Ate pizza last night and had weird dreams. I had one in which I could speak fluent French. So theres that...another was in a spaceship.

Becoming the person you want to be is like creating a piece of art. You have an outcome in mind, you work extremely hard to produce this outcome and then usually wing it when it's not turning out the way you'd hoped! It's usually better that way because your idea will change as the piece is coming together! Enjoy the ride! No great work of art came together quickly!

Been a good day. Went and bought a pool. While waiting for the pool to fill, I double layered the roof of my truck with Dynamat Xtreme. Finished and jumped in the pool. Now, chillin' and playing on youtube.

Chuck Norris once lost a poker game to Amelia Earhart and Jimmy Hoffa. When was the last time they were seen? @chuck_facts

Chuck Norris uses all seven letters in Scrabble... Every turn. - @chuck_facts

Come down to the Arrow Bar in downtown Texarkana behind the post office tonight! I'm dj-ing and taking requests. They have the coldest beers and friendliest staff in the area!! I promise I'll play something that will let you shake that luscious booty of yours!

Got a friend wanting to sell her iphone4. Its in mint condition! She works at AT&T. So she's a phone addict like me! She's selling it to get the new white iPhone. She's looking to get $250. Comment, if ya want it!!

Guess who's going to see Fast Five today?! Yeah it's me. Did you guess correctly? If not, maybe you should go learn to color inside the lines a little better, tard!

Hailey shouldn't have went home. Should've been Scotty!! That dude must have some sort of magical testicles that keep him from being sent home! Good to know, if he ever makes a pass at me! Gotta find my anti-magical testicles potion! Damn!! where is it?! Oh crap! Here he comes!!

How could you not like my new profile pic?? Geez. I was so handsome and childlike back then! I mean, look at that hair!!

I don't care what anyone says, Matthew McConaughey has never looked more badass than he does in Reign of Fire. I love this movie!

I, also, get asked occasionally what's different about tattooing now versus 5-10-15 years ago. My answer is almost always the same, two things: the market is over saturated (too many artists) and no loyalty to artists anymore! People are so damn fickle! They'll drop you to go get tattooed by some POS "artist" just because they're $20 cheaper. Loyalty is dying daily and that's the saddest part of it all. Tattooing used to be all about loyalty and respect!!

I'm DJing tonight at Out and About Sports Bar (The Arrow Bar) downtown. I'll start around 7:30 or 8 and finish around midnight. Come out and chill with me! I'll play some good music and we can watch old people dance!

Just to be clear, that status was not to scold anyone. I know it's not easy to talk to someone about loss. Our society doesn't deal well with tragedy and the subject of death is very taboo, most of the time. I was just asking that everyone be patient with me and understand that I might not always be the "same ol' Jason" I've been in the past.

Ladies and Gents, I go on in just a bit at The Arrow bar downtown. Come one, come all and hear the amazing songs other people wrote, that I'm gonna sing! Your ears will be slightly happy you did.

Michael Jackson is only white now because Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the black out of him.

Okay, I'm at On the Border with Jess and Davin. There are a ton of prom kids here. I cant help but over hear their very loud conversations. I, truly, don't remember being that dumb! Mom, was I really?

On another note: if ya feel like going out and wanna hear me sing, I'll be singing in an open mic night at the Arrow Bar (Out and About) tonight at 8pm! Come out and watch me screw things up!