hilarious

[chewie]

lol read these and figured id share

This is how fights start with your wife

> > One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift. The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.

> When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"

> And that's how the fight started.....

> ******************************

> My wife walked into the den & asked "What's on the tv?"

> I replied "Dust".

> And that's how the fight started.....

> ******************************

> A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.

> She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, 'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.' The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.'

> And that's how the fight started.....

> ******************************

> My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming

> anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds. I bought her a scale.

> And that's how the fight started.....

> ******************************

> I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?'

> It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation.

> 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.

> So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'

> And that's how the fight started....

> *****************************

> My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have sex?'

> 'No,' she answered.

> I then said, 'Is that your final answer?'

> She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying 'Yes.'

> So I said, 'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'

> And that's how the fight started....

> *****************************

> I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.

> And that's how the fight started.....

> *****************************

> I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'

> He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'

> 'Nah, she can order for herself.'

> And that's how the fight started....

[Adam]

i heard these before. funny

[Sampsonite]

lol

[CrossfireExpedition]

too funny

[kanes_disciple]

LOL mad cow LOL!

[97SSBlazer]

"I'd like to phone a friend"

[kentb]

good one