The Rules Of Men

[inm]

I found this on the internet, and just thought I would share. I completely agree with everything posted.

It's about time us guys got together to make a stance...Finally, the guys' side of the story. We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Women...These are our rules!..ADHERE TO THEM!!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

2. "Yes" and "No" are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

3. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us

4. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

5. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

6. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious hints do not work!

Just say it woman!!!

7. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

8. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

9. Crying is blackmail.

10. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

11. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor baby.

12. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

13. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

14. ALL men see in only 16 colours, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a colour. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

15. If it itches, it WILL be scratched. We do that.

16. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

17. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

18. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...honest baby.

19. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as footy, cars, or the female nipple.

20. You have enough clothes.

21. You have too many shoes.

22. I am in shape......”Round” IS a shape!!

23. I said "MAKE ME A GOD DAMN SANDHICH!" but what I really mean is "Hey hunny, could you please make me a sandhich? you mean the world to me.

[AlpineKid]

lmfao this is so on target, I lol'd @17

[John]

This should come in all the wedding papers you sign on the special day. Basically a rules and regulations for the opposite sex....sound good?

[imfrom210texas]

#16 sounds right to me

[UKnoitsMe]

awesome! too tru

[darthballsy1]

all of them are true

[Big Lo]

This should come in all the wedding papers you sign on the special day. Basically a rules and regulations for the opposite sex....sound good?

Agreed

[az73]

# 23

[rizzy71]

More Man Rules

1. Don't call, ever.

2. Name your penis. Be sure it is something narcissistic and unoriginal, like "Spike."

3. Play with yourself. Talk about it.

4. You are a man. Remember, no matter what, it isn't your fault.

5. Lie.

6. Never ask for help. Even if you really need it, don't ask. People will think you have no penis.

7. Women like it when you ignore them. It arouses them.

8. If, God forbid, you have to talk to a girl on the phone, use only monosyllabic words and noises. Bodily noises are permissible.

9. Lie.

10. Everyone finds a man more attractive if he can write his name in urine.

11. Say things like "Wha. . . ?"

12. Deny everything. Everything.

13. Don't have a clue.

14. If you don't get sex whenever you want, your balls will shrivel. Enforce this rule at all times.

15. Tell this to your girl before you have sex, "Don't worry. If you don't have an orgasm, you won't get pregnant."

16. Life is one big competition. If someone is better than you at anything, either pretend it's not true or kick some ass.

17. Lie.

18. Do NOT make decisions about relationships. If you are backed into a corner and must make a decision, stall. If you still must come up with an answer, leave yourself a loophole for escape. For example: Question: "Honey, will you take me out for a romantic dinner?" Answer: "Yes, if you can guess how many sperm I produce daily."

19. At any given opportunity, point out how things look like genitalia.

20. Play with your food only if you are in a public place with people you don't know.

21. Play with your penis only if you are in a public place with people you don't know.

22. You are NOT a virgin, ever. Males are born without virginity.

23. Females do not care what you do to them as long as they get to please you.

24. Basic fundamental rule of dating: Quantity, not quality.

25. Basic fundamental rule of sex: Quantity IS quality.

26. Lie.

27. Crying is not manly. Then again, if you are a man, what do you have to cry about anyway?

28. Women are your napkins. Use them and then throw them away.

29. Remember, every virgin girl is saving herself for YOU.

30. If your women makes you go shopping with her, drive around until a parking spot right near the door opens up. If this takes hours, so be it. You will have the coveted "Door Spot" and others will worship you.

31. If you're on a date and there is a lull in the conversation, tell the girl how many dorms you have been laid in.

32. When you tell a girl about your past, it's good to say, "God, I was such a pimp back then."

33. Here's a good trick. Tell a girl that you're going to leave and when you come back you want her naked and sprawled out on the bed. Leave and go into her dad's room and tell him he should go check on his daughter. Then drive like hell.

34. The best sex position is you, lying face up. . . and twenty girls on top.

35. Practice your blank stare.

36. If you're ever forced to show emotion, just pick a random emotion, like rage, lust and insanity, and display them at random, inconvenient times. You won't be asked to do it again.

37. If you are asked to do something you REALLY don't want to do, first try your manly best to get out of it. If that doesn't work, go ahead and do what you were asked to do, but complain that you don't know howto do it and continuously ask questions on how to do each little part. If no one rushes in to do it for you yet, finish the job in the most half-assed way you possibly can and then say "See???? I told you I couldn't do it." Eventually people will stop asking you to do things.

38. Do not listen to "pussy music" like Color Me Badd or the oldies.

39. Scratch your balls. See if you can embarrass people.

40. Lie.

[Slinky]

so funny and so true