"Larrys95civic" Needs Us

[vettedude102]

Man I wish I could send some money to you to help you out. I hope things turn around for you and you can kick this cancers butt.

[DubNDodge]

Hang tight, things have to get better. Sent some your way.

[n1ghtsn1p3r]

Weird. Right after I sent the money, some people from a local church were going door to door asking for prayer requests and I mentioned some of this and they did a prayer right there.

[rocking.that.eclipse]

I just started a new job. I will send some money when I get my first check man

[larrys95civic]

It makes me want to die begging like this guys, I've never needed help before. I keep getting these pains in my chest and it feels like I can't breath almost like I would say I don't know maybe a heart attack. I have never been a drinker but I want to get fucking hammered right now. I mean whats the worst that can happen? I don't do it but I want to, I want to rebel I want to do drugs I want to do something that makes me feel like I deserved this so I can stop wondering why me. I want you guys to tell me to fuck off and go away. I want to cry and scream and tell God to fuck off. I have never been behind on a bill and now before my phone got shut off it rang constantly with shut off notices and past due balances. I wanted to throw my phone every time it rang with an 800 number. In a matter of a few months my credit has been shredded, I probably couldn't get a loan for a bicycle now. My plan was to buy a small house this summer so my kids could have a yard to play in and something bigger then a 1 bedroom apartment for all of us. Now this will never happen. I'll never be able to help my kids get their first cars or pay for my daughters weddings. Even if I beat the cancer my life is ruined, I'll have sold everything worth value, I'll never be able to buy a new car or anything new. I've been looking for a cheaper place to live and the only places I could find are cheaper are 20 miles further from town so gas would easily eat up the extra 50 bucks I could save. I just honestly don't know what to do, I wish someone would just tell me or shoot me.

[rocking.that.eclipse]

Hey man settle down here for a little bit. Take a breath and it will all work out.

We are all here for you. How would your kids feel if you started drinking, doing drugs and changing your values?

Keep fighting for your kids. You may not be able to see them right now, or provide as much as you would like for them but you will one day. Once you get through this

your kids will be proud of you just as much as you are proud of them.

Keep venting here if you need man. I know we are all here for you

[rocking.that.eclipse]

Also if you ever need to vent at all message me. I added you on Facebook after you got added to the SMD page. I'm Shane Sullivan. I have that gay profile pic of my taking a ride on 2 other guys

[dog24fret]

Bro like Rocking said. Keep your mind focused as much as you can sir. It is hell for you right now and it might be for bit. But use every ounce of strength you can muster and think of not only yourself. But that of your children and friends and what you mean to them. I will see what I can do for ya bro. Just vent and try to find someway to relax somehow. I really know it's not easy as it is as saying it. But bro I've seen the effects of what your saying. When I went went down the first time and was put in the hospital it screwed everything up. I wondered how we would feed our children and keep a roof over our heads. It went to hell on a gold platter for sure. But it did work out unbelievably how I don't know other than by the grace of God and friends. I was to the point of trying to find a way to die in a way so the wife could get the life insurance I had at the time. I thank God I didn't give up and I don't want you too either sir. You will find a way just keep holding tight as you can to the fact you have many friends and family trying to help.

[larrys95civic]

Well tomorrow is first chemo trip, I'm seriously depressed and don't want to go. Since my phone got shut off I can't even call my kids so I can listen to their little voices to calm myself down. I can see myself changing in every thing I do. I use to smile and laugh, I didn't think anything could ruin my day. Now I don't even smile anymore, I was going to shave my head but can't find my clippers. I must have left them when I moved out. I can't take my medicine until after chemo so the pain is probably going to keep me up all damn night. Doc says I'll probably sleep a lot after so I'm not worried. I tried for a week to find someone to take me to my appointment but everyone is to busy. My ex never let me have friends so all I have are guys on my team and 2 live hours away and the other 2 had to work. I even ask a neighbor and got shot down. The kid I traded my super tweeters to for rides has hidden from me since I gave him the tweeters. So tomorrow I go alone, they have wifi so I'll just occupy myself with my laptop if they let me. They said I'd need a driver, I wonder how long they will make me stay without a driver.

[rocking.that.eclipse]

Dang man. If I didn't live in the lower half of Michigan I would make the trip to help you out..