Who has relationship advice?

[Herokight]

So, as some of ya'll might have seen on my status last week, my fiance broke it off with me. She said she still loves me and maybe after everything settles down in both our lives we could try again but she was tired of all the drama. Now I really see that I fucked up. Bad. I've had warning after warning, but I've had my head stuck so far up my ass I couldn't see the light of day. I've been a total asshole for awhile now. A grade A jackass. I finally pulled my head out of my ass, looked in the mirror, and realized it's not pretty. I'm not saying everything is my fault, but I don't have a single complaint about her. I can't think of a single time she did me wrong, yet I can't count the number of times I've said or done something that was way out of line on my fingers and toes. I'm damn ashamed of that. That's not the man my parents raised me to be. I don't even know why I did or said some of that shit. I really want to be a bigger man and a better person and am making changes for the better of myself and everyone around me. How do I explain that to her? How could I show her that? I've said "I'm sorry" a million times, so I know she doesn't wanna hear that again. But at the same time, I can finally say it and believe it myself now. Do I just give her time and space and see what happens? I mean, you don't spend almost three years together and promise to get married if there's nothing there. She said she loves me but it's kinda fizzled out. I just wonder if "fed up" might be the more appropriate term for it.

I mean, I thought about breaking up with her, but I wanted to kinda try and work it out. That was brave of her. It's so much harder to end it than it is to stay in a bad situation. I don't think I would've seen all this if I had broken it off, either.

Shit sucks. Anyone have suggestions?

I've already had someone give me the "You can do better" routine. Don't wanna hear it.

[bassface]

Sometimes people get to a fork in the road and need to go separate ways.

[1-12-t1]

hey man, you will realize a lot being single.

was in the same situation, i couldnt deal with the things she did before we met. thats what i always got mad with.

realize now i was just being an insecure little boy. but you learn from your mistakes.

if its ment to be she will come back, if not live you life and be a better person.

go to the gym work out, party get your mind off it. break ups suck but itll get WAY better a month or two out

but dont keep on sayin sorry, thats like your beggin her back. grab your balls and be a man. give her time

Edited June 18, 2012 by 1-12-t1

[Katt]

Give it time. If its meant to be, its meant to be.

And bitches love time.

[1-12-t1]

and dude the reason i got in so many fights with my girl was she was a clean freak.

"dont put my throw pillows and bunny babies on the ground its dirty" bitch its not dirty

yea i made a HUGE fight about that. dont for one sec think all your fights were over dumb shit

there was a reason for every fight

[TeamHT]

I'll be honest, I'm really not a big fan of these woe is me my heart has a booboo threads, but here are my thoughts.

If you were truly in the wrong, and realize it now, no more advice is needed. I would assume a wake up call like that would only magnify the issues needing address and now you have time, space, and motivation to make those changes. I've always been a firm believer that once the pain has lost its edge, so does the resolve to change it. Right now you're wanting to change to get her back...and once she is back your resolve to change what drove her off in the first place will dissipate and you are back to square 1. Change for you, change and become a better person because that is who YOU want to be. If it is genuine, she will see it. And actions have ALWAYS spoken louder than words. Nothing you say will change her mind, she needs to see the change and know that it has permanence.

Also, if you truly loved her, truly did her wrong, and truly feel regrettable...then let her be. She may have the chance to find peace, or even her true happiness. But if its been a week, I almost want to say you haven't given it enough time or space. It is possible to overshine or drown a plant, its all about knowing balance, proper proportion, and need. Love is like a handful of sand. Yes, held too loosely it is gone with the wind. But clenched tightly it still finds its way lost on the wind. I hope you take the time needed to reflect on who you are as a person and as a man, and come to like the person you see in the mirror.

I believe we are all exactly where we want to be. If you don't want to be a selfish ass, then don't be a selfish ass. If you want to be confident, no longer clingy, and with her again...then be it. Best of luck, and hope in some way you find inner peace.

[Srh_rider12]

I'll be honest, I'm really not a big fan of these woe is me my heart has a booboo threads, but here are my thoughts.

If you were truly in the wrong, and realize it now, no more advice is needed. I would assume a wake up call like that would only magnify the issues needing address and now you have time, space, and motivation to make those changes. I've always been a firm believer that once the pain has lost its edge, so does the resolve to change it. Right now you're wanting to change to get her back...and once she is back your resolve to change what drove her off in the first place will dissipate and you are back to square 1. Change for you, change and become a better person because that is who YOU want to be. If it is genuine, she will see it. And actions have ALWAYS spoken louder than words. Nothing you say will change her mind, she needs to see the change and know that it has permanence.

Also, if you truly loved her, truly did her wrong, and truly feel regrettable...then let her be. She may have the chance to find peace, or even her true happiness. But if its been a week, I almost want to say you haven't given it enough time or space. It is possible to overshine or drown a plant, its all about knowing balance, proper proportion, and need. Love is like a handful of sand. Yes, held too loosely it is gone with the wind. But clenched tightly it still finds its way lost on the wind. I hope you take the time needed to reflect on who you are as a person and as a man, and come to like the person you see in the mirror.

I believe we are all exactly where we want to be. If you don't want to be a selfish ass, then don't be a selfish ass. If you want to be confident, no longer clingy, and with her again...then be it. Best of luck, and hope in some way you find inner peace.

your not going to get better advice than this OP well said HT

[Robby Holmes]

personally being a person that deals with drug addiction, i've also done wrong to a LOT of people in ways that i'd rather not repeat.

one of the steps is acknowledging that what you've done was wrong, learn what your part of it was your fault, and make amends for that wrong-doing.

i feel i must explain something first, amends; is not saying that your sorry. its living that your sorry.

saying sorry is just that. saying that you apologize for something and it might or will end up happening again.

making amends is proving that your truly apologetic, and proving that it will NOT happen again.

let me know how things work out, and i wish the best for ya.

i've had some moderately similar "fucked up" things happen to me in the past few months.

quick edit: all of this type of stuff is obviously done in good time. not the next day, so please dont take it like that lol

Edited June 18, 2012 by Robby Holmes

[Mtnbikecrazy55]

whatever you decide to do, i would wait at least a month so you know for sure you're thinking straight when you make that decision. if its meant to be, she'll still be there. its real tempting to go running back to her when now you're all alone and not used to not being able to turn to her for support. dont be so quick to decide that it was a terrible thing. it still could be a bad thing in a month, and if so THEN go back and try to figure shit out.

good luck man, you'll figure things out.

[Herokight]

Thanks guys. I haven't begged her or snything. Haven't even attempted. I'll just give her time. Just gotta go by the saying at this point.

"If you love something, let it go. If it comes back, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was."

Yeah, I thought about the "woe as me" factor, but I could use a little advice.