Only a man would try this.

[Colin - STAPUFT]

ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS

Just try

reading this without laughing till you cry!!!

Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A

guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their

anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol

& Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was

our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little

something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a

100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the

tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term

adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time

to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device

and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn

thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I

learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it

against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the

blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the

prongs.

AWESOME!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what

that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking

to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two

triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my

cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while

I was reading the directions and thinking that I really

needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving

target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a

fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such

a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my

wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some

assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top

with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of

my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The

directions said that a one-second burst would shock and

disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to

cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a

three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant

flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst

longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device

measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in

circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy,

bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no

possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond

description, but I'll do my best...?

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with

her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it

dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a

tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I

decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of

it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the

button, and . .

HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . .

. WHAT THE HELL!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the

side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed

us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I

vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,

with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on

fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked

under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my

legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard

before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the

fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed

by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug'

yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such

thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will

not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your

hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three

second burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE HELL!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was

a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what

little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My

bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.

The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from

where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both

nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been

shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I

had no control over the drooling.

Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to

know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint

smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.

I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a

significant reward for their safe return!

P.S...

My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved

the gift, and now regularly threatens me with

it!

If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!!

[01xtreme]

thats pretty great.

[a_steezy]

repost, but still good

[Souldrop]

ROFL...im not a real man then...eff trying a tazer on myself

[loburbon]

now i know never to try that on myself. lol

[Moore941]

haha no lie my grandma had one, she decided i was being a pain in the ass one day and thought that tazing me would be lesson enough. I have not acted like an ass in front of her since. someone brings one of those things out around me and for some reason i pee a little each time, they are no joke. lol

[P4killer_]

LMFAO

[99vic]

HOLY DAMN THAT WAS GOOD!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:

[cracker]

hahaha good read mang

[puyallupn8ive]

WOW, that's great!!!