Colin - STAPUFT Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 ONLY A MAN WOULD ATTEMPT THIS Just try reading this without laughing till you cry!!! Pocket Tazer Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Tazer for their anniversary submitted this: Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse- sized tazer. The effects of the tazer were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....?? WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button and pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave. Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong? So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and tazer in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries. All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, 'no possible way!' What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, 'don't do it dipshit,' reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD . . WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HELL!!! I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room. Note: If you ever feel compelled to 'mug' yourself with a tazer, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative? IT HURT LIKE HELL!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return! P.S... My wife, can't stop laughing about my experience, loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! If you think education is difficult, try being stupid!!! Quote 12 - 12"s in the STAY PUFT 1989 Chevy Astro Build & Comment Log Un-Interrupted Build LogYouTube Channel Chevy Trailblazer 5.1 Dolby Digital DTS Install You have a beard of a mysterious sea captain. I would follow you to hell and back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
01xtreme Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 thats pretty great. Quote My System: Pioneer AVH-P3200BT 4-Dayton 7 inch reference series (front doors) 8-Onkyo 3/4 inch tweeters (dash) 1-Sundown Audio 100.4D (mids/highs) 2-18" BTL's (for now) Crescendo 3kwp (for sale) Complete rebuild coming soon... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
a_steezy Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 repost, but still good Quote '98 Dodge Durango 5.9L 5% front windows, 2.5% on all backs Alpine CDA-9883 Kicker ZX350.4 Kicker KS650's in all doors Kicker 1/0 hyperflex Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Souldrop Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 ROFL...im not a real man then...eff trying a tazer on myself Quote 1997 Lexus ES300 HU - Pioneer MVH 7350 Processor - Helix DSP Front Stage - JBL P660C Mid/high amp - Alpine PDX-F4 Subs - 1 IA Death Penalty 12 Sub Amp - Cactus Sounds PF300.1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
loburbon Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 now i know never to try that on myself. lol Quote 2000 gmc yukon 4 sundown Zv3 15's 4 dd m2a's kenwood kdc-x994 2 batcap 4000's 1 batcap 2000 dual alts. 154@37hz and climbing http://www.cardomain.com/ride/3231683 http://www.myspace.com/torque150 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moore941 Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 haha no lie my grandma had one, she decided i was being a pain in the ass one day and thought that tazing me would be lesson enough. I have not acted like an ass in front of her since. someone brings one of those things out around me and for some reason i pee a little each time, they are no joke. lol Quote 2000 White Dodge Durango 5.9L Flowmaster 40 Series through 2 1/2" with and open cat. 1 Dc lvl5 18 4 6.5 seleniums and 2 D200 Selenium Horns on Rockford 500.2 Big three upgrade and a kinetik HC1800 in the back with all 1/0g knu wire shootin for 145+ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
P4killer_ Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 LMFAO Quote Setup: 2010 Hyundai Elantra Factory Unit via 4 chan NVX LOC Excessive Amperage "H/O" Alt Xs D3400/ Xs XP3000 Big 3. 2 Runs of +, 2 Runs of - DD M3b and 2 12" AQ HDC4s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
99vic Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 HOLY DAMN THAT WAS GOOD!!!!! :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: Quote REST IN PARADISE BIG RICH (Sqmonte) never forgotten Why do you guys ALWAYS dispute on NUMBERS????? It's such a played out argument, so fucking annoying.... It's 12 fuckin 15's.... It's louder than you... Shut the fuck up... /Rant I'm so jealous, it makes me want to club baby seals. That shit gets down HARD!dont buy from knowledge he will scam you. http://www.stevemeadedesigns.com/board/topic/30995-official-knowledge-feedback/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cracker Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 hahaha good read mang Quote March 2010 SOTM winner my old buildhttp://www.stevemeadedesigns.com/board/topic/50219-dank-aka-crackers-bonne-new-v2-build-in-the-works-hahahaaaaaa/page__hl__crackers my youtube page - http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=jackiedan04#g/u my feedback - http://www.stevemeadedesigns.com/board/topic/56540-official-cracker-feedback/ i need tacos and bass to live!!!!! and will NEVER change hahaaaa TEAM NOIZE VIOLATION Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
puyallupn8ive Posted October 14, 2009 Report Share Posted October 14, 2009 WOW, that's great!!! Quote 98 Toyota Camry Eclipse AVN-6600 AudioControl 3.1 AudioControl Epicenter US Amps AX2000 US Amps MD-43 1 set Alpine type X components 1 set RF Power components 1 12" RE Audio XXX 220 Amp Iraggi Alt. Red Top (Front) Kinetic HC-600 (Back) Second Skin Damplifier Pro Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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