Some Decisions are Never Easy

[LT.Smoke]

I work as an Undercover Cop and have been for the past almost year. I just want to know why the hardest thing to do is to pull the trigger on another living human being even tho my life was in danger??

In the past year i have had to shoot 2 people and both of them died. One died instantly and the other 1 died almost instantly.

I will paint the picture so it doesnt sound like im just a murderous Cop. The 1st incident occurred when my partner and I were serving a warrant to an individual for Child Support and as we approached the door the suspect opened fire through the door clippin my partner in his leg so i retreated back to the car and got the shot gun and pumped 6 rounds into the door in which 4 of them struck the victim.I had to watch him take his last breath it still fucks with me even today and this was almost 3 months ago.

The 2nd incident occurred earlier today which is why im sitting at home now because i was sent home while they investigate the scene but the whole incident started because i stopped the individual for a broken brake light cover. As i approached the vehicle i noticed something strange about the way his passenger was acting so i asked if everything was ok and she said yes but then once i asked him for his paperwork i saw that he had a weapon pointed at her i immediately called back-up then drew my weapon and commanded him out of the car he got out and pulled her out with him i demanded he let her go and surprisingly he did then he pointed his gun at me and i fired twice striking him in the chest and killing him. Upon the arrival of backup we started investigating the scene and found out the gun was a pellet gun.

So can anyone explain why someone would do that or if i was wrong in my actions or decisions???

[cubs_fan0718]

Too me some people are just plain stupid, IMO you were completely in ur rights to fire your gun at that person. He pointed a gun @ you and ur first action should be to open fire. You dont know if hes gonna pull the trigger, if the guns real or not, who would wait to find out sure as hell not me. Its something ur gonna deal with the rest of ur life try to put it behind you but never forget (if that makes sense) just use what u learn everyday and apply it to the future.

[huh?do-what?]

I don't know why someone would put you in that position. Sometimes you can't question why things happen. It can drive you crazy. Some people(criminals) have no concern for others. Sounds like this guy with the pellet gun chose to use you as his way out. That is not your fault. That guy wanted to die. I hate that he involved you in it. Meth heads act crazy. A cop in my toen was run over by a meth user who had just got out of jail for meth. Did time off and on for meth most of his life. The day he got out, he told some buddies of his that he was gonna kill an officer. Several days layter, he was pulled over for routine traffic violation. Hit the gas and ran the cop down and killed him. The guy you shot could have done the same to you. Don't feel to bad. Wait for the toxicology report on the driver. I would bet he was either on some hard stuff, or has been recently using. Hell, a pellet could have blinded you. What did the passenger say about the guy? Keep your head up, man.

[fmedina]

woow thats some intense stuff man. idk how its like pointin a gun at someone but i bet its hard. i can only imagine me pointin a gun at another brother or sister and pullin the trigger for my protection. only if theres a way i could pull the trigger for both our protection. thats hard man. if i killed, the people would stay in my conscious. even tho i wanted to join the armed forces. i was only goin to be a mechanic in the army. so i wouldnt be shootin anybody. dam that crazy tho. interestin story tho bro. i think u didnt do anythin wrong. they knew if they point a gun at a cop, even a fake one, they woulda get shot. cops only do it so they dont die themselves. idk it is kinda difficult to even say wat i think bout that ha. u didnt have a tazer or somethin?

[LT.Smoke]

Yea i have a tazer but that shit goes on the window when a gun is involved. Tazer is a prerequisite for someone out of control or that has a handheld weapon like a knife or something.

The scary part is I dont get paid for my work as a cop im working in an auxillary position hoping/waiting that a paid spot will open up. Also im nervous because im supposed to be shipping out for the Army in October so im scared that may F**K with me too.

[DylanH]

I feel you did the right thing, like cubs fan said, I don't know many people that wouldn't wait to find out if the gun was real or not, it was the dudes mistake not yours. You were just protecting yourself.

[Craig28]

you did what you had to do man. shit happens. if you have to defend your own safety then you have to. i think that dude thought by pointing the gun at you you would get a little bit scared and not draw your weapon. you did the right thing man keep your head up.

[OrionStang]

First, you were in the right defending yourself and your partner.

Second, I wasted a lot of people in the Desert and it doesn't bother me a bit. Some people just handle it different.

Third, your department should have someone for you to talk to, maybe help you clear your mind. Hang in there.

[LT.Smoke]

For some reason tho i dont think that killin in the line of duty for the Military will phase me. I mean i dont have nightmares about it or anything i guess for me it was hard to pull the trigger because of the fact that these people that i killed were willing to die over things that were not even worth it.

[LT.Smoke]

No offense but, if you have to come here to ask this question i think your in the wrong line of work. I respect your job and the duty that you do, but this is the wrong forum for you to vent. You should be privy to a ton of shrinks via the Job. And you asking that here if it is true, is showing you need some type of support. You should seek the help of a professional.

First off im not venting and Second i came here to just get opinions from my Fellow SMD'ers cuz these guys are like family to me.