Dating a girl with a kid....

[Wood]

Me and my lady have been together for a little over a year and she has 2 kids (7yr old boy and 12yr ol girl).. She didn't initially bring them into the picture but when she did, they tried to "Size me up"... Well if you are a person of good character and the mother feel like she can trust you (which is the reason the child comes into the picture), Kids pick up that vibe. As an adult and possibly a future parent, its your job to teach that child, protect that child, and positively mold that child.

My lady's son used to try and punch at me when he got mad because I used to try and "stay on the good side", but you know what? One day he got a little comfortable and tried to hit me in my man part, so I returned by blocking his shot and punching him in the chest (LOL it wasn't hard but it was enough to make him tell his mother). Anyways he cried and told me he was going to tell his mom (which is what he wanted) BUT me being THE MAN I told him I didn't care, and that he has no reason to put his hands on another man unless someone puts your family in harms way. So I grabbed him by the shoulder and said "Did I try to hurt your mother? Did do anything to harm the health of you or your sister? Did I put any of your lives in danger? Since you will answer no to all of those, you have no reason to even THINK violent! And you know what... he has YET to even try me again. His mother (My baby Lol) realised that I was a model figure to her family.

Her daughter is different. She's very sensitive! She's the true meaning of "Daddy's Little girl" I make sure to stay involved with her! She LOVES art so you know what I do? I draw with her, paint with her, and color with her. Keep in mind SHE IS TALENTED!!! And although, I may not know everything about art, its the thought of being there! Now with her being artsy, she doesn't clean up after herself. SO, Her discipline Is cleaning up! Her mother halfway enforced it before I came in the picture, but cleanliness was a BIG DEAL in my household. So what I did was tell her she needed to do dishes and clean her room, but you want to know how I made her listen? I did it with her, and while doing it, I explained the sanitary reasons so she would better understand and take it serious.

Moral of the story, No matter if you are his blood or not, its ok to discipline him. When you only the best for him, he will pick up on that vibe, kids are A LOT smarter then you think (which is why he will test you!). Its ok to say NO... Its ok, to stop him in his tracks before doing wrong! Just be sure to spend that time with him, as you do with his mother because at the end of the day, he will respect you and will be willing to listen to you without even being physical. My babies (my bay's kids LOL) are so attached that I don't even have to be physical! If I stop them in their tracks and they know I'm serious, it becomes emotional to them! And just Like Rolexrifleman said, Actions show when a child loves you! They have yet to say it, But everytime I come over They race to the door and try to give me a hug first! If anything signifcant happens to them (good or bad) they tell me! If they have any problems they come to me! So yes it may start off as you trying to be his friend, but remember he is a child and he has to learn right from wrong! Everyone can be a "Parent" but its up to you to be that Perfect Role Model to that child!!!

Sorry about the long passage! I love those kids to death, and my situation started as yours have but ended up being greater!! The feeling of having a child look up to you and love you is more then anything in the world!! And I too was raised by a step father! So its nothing wrong with teaching, diciplining (is that a word? LOL) and spending time with that child because it so happens my step father Is more of Dad then my own Dad has ever been! Basically what I'm saying is, Just because the childs dad is in the picture doesn't mean that he is the right example for him (ie. the discipilne from the mother and her friends) ... Think about that!!

[David Bailey]

Hey y'all, this thread has turned out to be SO much more than I thought it could be. I really appreciate everybody that has taken the time to give me advise here. You all are helping more than you may now. It is an experience that I will learn from, and grow from. I just want to be a positive person in this kids life. I am in love with his mother, and I can only imagine how difficult and confusing it is on him. So thanks again for all your advise, it is greatly appreciated.

Dave

[Karkov]

I posted earlier and really had nothing to add but after reading some other posts i think I may have at least an opinion.

I was like said person above, my blood/real dad was never in my life, my mom remarried but for me my step dad really never attempted to make up for my real dad. He was a great guy, kind hearted, loved to help with Anything if i asked, great job, didn't drink, etc. etc. But he also never told me what to do or anything of the nature (maybe i didn't need to be told, idk) Anyways, never really bothered me much but i also have never sat down much and thought about it. I was used to no dad and so that's all I have EVER known so to me it was no big deal to have him not act like my dad. Again, great guy, i just think he was unsure what to attempt as a step father so he took the safest route. Now that i'm almost 32 I hold nothing against him, not sure what I would have wanted him to do different. Not saying i couldn't have used a dad or that i didn't need a dad but i don't hold anything against him. I could say more but i'm at work and have to get back now, lol

Main point I want to get across though. If the real dad is staying in the picture as a dad, he must truly love the child and that is something I would not wanna get in the middle of. I think that's great. I think if i split from my wife I KNOW I would still be in my daughters life, shes all i truly care about in this world. If someone stepped in and started trying to be her dad without my permission i would go ape shit i think. Wouldn't be his job if i didn't want him to because I still wanted to be. Know what i mean? Just another perspective. Think if you did have kids of your own, would you want someone trying to be their father all the while you were still trying to be thier father. horrible for me to even think about it happening to me.

[Rockford96]

I didnt read through all the comments but my parents divorced when i was 6 my mom got remarried when i was 9 and im 17 now shes still married to the same guy i like him i just would necer call him dad (he would never want me to) but he does step in and tell me when im out of line. It may piss the kid off now but i know he means well with discipline i think theres a line for step parents and when you reach it talk to his mom but i see my step dad as a great friend and hes always there when i need him for anything. I guess just dont try to be full on dad cuz the step parent never will be but you can tell the kid whats right and wrong.

Idk if i explained that well its early here i just got up

[Dwn4BassAlan]

I figured out a way to explain the last bit a little more clearly. Like I said about that older brother mentality, try to be more on the side that advises him as to what might be better, what not to do, but I would just tread carefully when it came to consequences. If that makes sense to you?

And I would say the real key might be telling his mom or dad if you notice something big. I'm not trying to freak you out or make it way too dramatic but I'll just give you a scenario. Lets say you go steady with this lady for a while; kid gets older, starts high school, and lets PRETEND you catch him with some of the "grass"/"herb"/"stick Icky Icky" etc.... Instead of immediately blowing up on him or something, I would suggest maybe talking to him, (again; like you might expect a responsible older brother to) and try not to be condescending in the least, then maybe sit the mom AND dad down and calmly explain to them, leave them with the decision as to how to handle him. Tell them what you observe and maybe how you might handle it, but that you want it to obviously be their choice.

I'm not trying to assume or say that's what going to happen lol, but you get the point of that type of scenario.

[HunterJohnson]

I think this thread can be locked lol. Thanks for all the insight rolex. I always appreciate information from people who have actually experienced life.

and to you OP

Good luck! My 2 cents is communicate with your lady. Making her happy will be the best for everyone.

[cloud77]

teach the little dude some cool stuff! maybe sports?