Random sayings

[Jskiles]

I never lose. I either win or learn

[bcpballer64]

"Im six hours pregnant with a food baby and im feelong labor pains."-Me, right now.

[truthsayer]

No question is a dumb question, only a dumb man ask's no questions.- me

[Motorboat KER]

Peace is only a mindset. The only ones with peace are those with the bigger guns. - Motorboat while sitting on the toilet

[Pasta Prime]

The seat of my pants are dragging out my tracks - Dad

[Karkov]

Some quotes I have collected over the years. Some are good and some are meh. In time I ended up seeing so many good ones that I stopped collecting them because all they do is take up space on my computer and never get read again so most of these are old and by far not the best I have ever seen but it fits this thread to post them here.

Not gonna read back through them all before posting so I don't want to take responsibility for them but oh well

"I was gonna make an anal joke, butt fuck it"

"Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear." - Mark Twain

“Fear is like fire. If you can control it, it can cook for you. If you can't control it, it will burn everything around you and destroy you.” -Mike Tyson

"If I tell you I'm good, you would probably think I'm boasting. If I tell you I'm no good, you know I'm lying" -Bruce Lee

"Only the dead have seen the end of war." - Plato

"What if my greatest disappoints or the aching of this life is a revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy, and what if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights, are your mercies in disguise"

"With enemies you know where you stand, but with neutrals...who knows..."

“I hate walking, such a waste of technology”

"Hated by many.................loved by few.....................respected by all"

"Better to do something imperfectly than to do nothing perfectly"

"The opportunity to secure ourselves against defeat lies in our own hands, but the opportunity of defeating the enemy is provided by the enemy himself."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending: and to have the two as close together as possible." - George Burns

"So c'mon mothaf***a and gimme yer best shot!"

"Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year." - Victor Borge

"Be careful about reading health books.

You may die of a misprint." - Mark Twain

"By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." - Socrates

"I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury." - Groucho Marx

"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat." - Alex Levine

"I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon.

Then it's time for my nap." - Bob Hope

"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it." - W.C. Fields

"We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress." - Will Rogers

"Don't worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you." - Winston Churchill

"Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out." - Phyllis Diller

"By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere." - Billy Crystal

"I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it." - Jack Handey

"An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered." - G. K. Chesterton

"The best way to keep one's word is not to give it." - Napoleon Bonaparte

"I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?"

"To destroy is Grand but to endure and fight on is Divine!"

"If life is a game....where is the cheat book?"

"I would rather live my life as if there is a God,

and die to find out there isn't, than live my life

as if there isn't, and die to find out there is."

"The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with him."

"A bank is a place where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather and ask for it back when it begins to rain."

"A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never remembers her age."

"Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement." - Mark Twain

"A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer."

"All that is gold does not glitter and all who wander are not lost."

"Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself ~~'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin." - Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

"I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall." - Eleanor Roosevelt

"The world is full of willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them."

"Regardless how much or how good you will play, this game will never end."

"A liberal is man too broad-minded to take his own side in a quarrel."

"I'd rather be judged by twelve than carried by 6."

"I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that don't work."

"I got this car for my wife...It was a good trade"

“Arguing on the internet is like running in the special Olympics...even if you win, you're still retarded!”

"No man or woman is worth your tears, & the one who is, won't make you cry."

"Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have."

"To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world."

"Don't waste your time on someone, who isn't willing to waste their time on you."

"Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened."

"Make yourself a better person & know who you are before you try & know someone else & expect them to know you."

"The best vitamin for making friends..... B1."

"The heaviest thing I can carry is a grudge."

"If I lack the courage to start, I have already finished.

One thing I can't recycle is wasted time."

"Ideas won't work unless ' I ' do."

"My mind is like a parachute...it functions only when open."

"Sometimes we are so caught up in who's right and who's wrong that we forget what's right and wrong."

"God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called."

"Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful."

“If you’re gonna bag it; drag it.”

“To Alcohol: The cause of-and solution to-all of life’s problems.”

“Wars are not won by dying for your country.

You make someone else die for his.”

"Do you know what the relationship is between your two eyes?

They blink together, they move together, they cry

together,

They see things together and they sleep together,

BUT THEY NEVER SEE EACH OTHER... that's what friendship is."

"Always reach for Heavens , for even when You miss your mark You'll land among the stars."

"Hard work pays off tomorrow, laziness pays off today."

"Blowing out someone else's candle does not make yours shine brighter."

"It only takes one star to break the dark."

"Everyone sees their own sins in the actions of others"

"Don't waste your time or time will waste you"

“Don’t piss down my back and tell me it’s rain”

"What happens if your multiple personalities have multiple personalities?"

"If a tree falls in the woods, on a woman, why the f*ck wasn’t she in the kitchen to begin with?"

"If you don't have time to do it right the first time, when will you have time to do it over again."

"Your first mistake was thinking I would let you live long enough to make a Second"

"Always have adventures, never vacations. If something "interesting" happens, it could ruin a vacation, but it is all part of the adventure!"

"when in doubt... throttle out?"

"The difference between boys and men is the price of the toys."

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that

wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You

will have your heart broken probably more than once and

it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so

remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight

with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things

an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast,

and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too

many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never

been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset

is a minute of happiness you'll never get back. Don't be

afraid that your life will end, be afraid that it will never begin."

[Emmet]

She had a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle.

[Karkov]

"She looks good from far, but far from good"

I've met a lot of ladies like that, see them from a distance and am like "daaaaaaaaaaaamn" then as they could closer I'm all like hell nah forget it.

[poorfish88]

Stand back boy, you draw flys wc fields

Anybody who hates small kids and animals can't be half bad. wc fields.

[lifted_silverado]

You can polish a turd but all you'll have is a sparkling piece of shit - idk who started this one