A lil update/story/thing? *gory inside*

[WastedTalent]

Alright so some of you know and some of you don't... I'm going through a pretty rough emotional time. I'm not one to let it out but I feel like I have to, I feel that bad.

I am 24 and do live with my mom but pay almost all the bills. I worked 2 jobs and am about to again, going from 55-60 hrs a week to 40 hrs a week to 80 hrs a week. Keep in mind, also take care of my mom. She's partly disabled and that itself is kinda rough. Imagine being a parent to your parent. Especially at a young age. And also, I am a full time student with a damn good GPA. Not shabby for a 24 yr old eh?

I am not one to make excuses, not when it's rather important. If it's things that doesn't matter one way or another, alright, I'll probably pass. But important shit? I find a way to do it.

This week alone... I've had about 7 hours sleep. Woke up around 3 am Monday and have had 7 hours sleep since. I've had interviews to go to. Phone calls to answer. More interviews to go to. People to answer to. And most importantly... my mother. She recently (Tuesday) has been hospitalized due to her not being able to literally stand up. If she can get up, she's fine but the problem is getting from sitting to standing. So Tuesday I took her to the hospital.

At first, we all thought pretty minor. Kinda go to hospital, maybe drink fluids or get em injected and maybe some pills. Alright. Yeah, today I went there after work and shortly after, there were 6 people in the room. She was having trouble breathing. I mean, I've never seen the respiratory people come from absolutely nowhere. And they were ready to kick me out of the room incase she were to flatline and have to bring her back. Few hours later, 11 people in the room. Not including me and not including her. So much for not serious right? If she had not made it to the hospital, she was a few days away from death. She got prescribed 2 pills that combined, has a rough 1 in 10,000 chance of doing what it did, killing her kidneys. No kidneys, no filter of the blood, toxins in the blood, no muscles.

I am just writing this to tell those who've talked to me, a thanks. At such a young age, I feel like it's almost impossible to get through the day with so much on me and no one to back me up and be in my corner. I mean, how hard is it losing a family member or someone close to you? Imagine that you're all each other have as even other family members, don't talk. They're that damn stuck up. If she is to pass away, it all falls on me to do everything. Even when my sister, her daughter, lives not even 15 minutes away from us. All on me. So telling me to keep head up, be strong and such? Seriously, thanks. I appreciate it.

The latest update is... she's doing better. Her color is back, she's drinking and eating (just jello and the sort, nothing major), and she's on dialysis. Her kidneys have pretty much completely stopped. Everyone thinks that it's just temporary and probably tomorrow they'll start working again. They just don't know how effective they will be. She may need dialysis for rest of her life or maybe just for a month. So things are on the rise.

And the gore... Idk if it truly is gore, but figured some of you may have a weak stomach and wanted to put the warning out there first. If you have a weak stomach, just scroll down or whatnot.

What I walked into...

When they were setting up dialysis

And just a nasty pic...

[pa-pa-platypus]

[Skullz]

My prayers and best wishes to you and your mom, hope she recovers well enough to get back home and hope your able to get a few minutes of shut eye cause you'll seriously need it.

[DTS909]

Keep doing what you are doing, hug your mom and tell her that you love her.

[LT.Smoke]

Damn bro.. You're holding it together pretty well for a loaded agenda man...Keep your head up.. If you pray then I would certainly do that... I will keep you 2 in my prayers bro... Text me if you need to BS about whatever

[Wicks]

Dude, let me tell you from some experience, I've been through some shit, same feeling as you, wont go into detail but there's been some dark days.

I kept my head up and battled through it even though it was hard...

Now being well past it, let me tell you that there are brighter days!

Shit like this makes you a stronger person.

Life's going to chew you up as it does...just keep fighting and good things will come.

I'm right down the "street", if you gotta blow off some steam, don't hesitate!

[Borris The Blade]

Sorry about your mom. Wish the best for her. My hats off to you bro, working two jobs, going to school, and taking care of your mom this world needs more people like you. Those that are willing work for what they want/need seem to lacking , at least in my area. Again sorry about your mom and I wish the best for you two. Get some sleep you've earned it.

[WastedTalent]

Thanks fellas. Like I say, I'm not really a vent type person but, it's at that point, I had to. I know I have a full plate and that's fine with me, but it's just when you keep getting tossed around like a ragdoll pretty much? Eventually you'll snap. That's sort've what happened. I mean, physically exhausted, mentally exhausted, and in pain. Think i hurt myself lifting her up to her feet. But, only real complaint is the fact that all of this is happening at once. I can deal with mom in hospital, no problem. I can deal with new job. I can deal with throwing my back out. But everything all at once? That's my problem.

Damn bro.. You're holding it together pretty well for a loaded agenda man...Keep your head up.. If you pray then I would certainly do that... I will keep you 2 in my prayers bro... Text me if you need to BS about whatever

I've tried. Know how hard it is to be that "pillar of strength and show no weakness" when everyone is looking at you? Go into 2 jobs and job interviews and act like everything is all good? Even today (or yesterday, depending on time zones), I didn't think it was all that bad. More serious than what I originally thought but any mention of DNR? Hell no. Well, that all changed in just a flash. Was there talking with nurse and mom and the nurse brings up DNR. Asks if she wants it or not, ect. I had my entire thinking shift right then. But before I left, the nurse (who imo, is way too damn friendly because just an awesome nurse) kept saying things like "You look so much better, I have no problem with that" because she was restricted from a lot of shit. She wasn't allowed to eat, she wasn't allowed to drink anything but water (if even that, might've been on JUST ice), ect. But when I left, it was almost like "What do you want? Some Tequila? Some burgers and steak?" Obviously didn't happen but that's how much they were acting that she improved over the course of the day. She is allowed to have clear liquids.

Dude, let me tell you from some experience, I've been through some shit, same feeling as you, wont go into detail but there's been some dark days.
I kept my head up and battled through it even though it was hard...
Now being well past it, let me tell you that there are brighter days!
Shit like this makes you a stronger person.
Life's going to chew you up as it does...just keep fighting and good things will come.
I'm right down the "street", if you gotta blow off some steam, don't hesitate!

Idk about that. I mean, won't go into detail really but had somethin happen right around 2 years ago to this day. I'll say lucky to be alive. And still haunts me. There isn't a day where I don't wake up about 30 times during my sleep, in a pool of sweat with a soaked shirt. Haunts me and not sure I'll ever really get over it because I did nothing wrong and got screwed, bad. When I was younger, flipped my car (totalled it), hurt few ppl minorly. Nothing major, just couple bumps and bruises. Felt bad about that for awhile but got over it because I fucked up. I made a mistake. I had fault. In that event 2 years ago and this stuff now, I'm not doing anything wrong. I show up to work, do my job, do college, help mom out, ect. And life opened up it's pooper and it's raining. But I am tryin to stay strong, keep my head up, ect. And I do feel better since I wrote this. Not physically as good lawd am I tired lol. But felt like I was on the nerve of a nervous breakdown or something. I feel pretty good now. Finish this shift (less than 6 hrs) and go home and pass out. Already told mom, not sure how much I'll be around because I have to get back to normal and sleep and all. She agreed and yeah. (She tried to kick me out of her room like 5 times to go home and sleep and I refused haha)

I'll keep updating as things go on, but I'm not sure how much will be updated considering this weekend I have to catch up on my sleep. And also prepare for the new job. I have no new status or update really as of now, but she did call me earlier to make sure I was awake for work. Yesterday she didn't. So she's definitely feeling better.

Thanks again everyone for the support.

[WastedTalent]

Well we can tell where my head isn't, math. I took my final twice and best I got was a 62% or somethin on it. And Idk how he'll grade it cause syllabus says it's worth 100, but only 50 pts. So... that mean I got 62/100? Rather than 31/50? or whatever it'd be?

But the reason I say this is I'm at work, tryin to live cause damn it's rough. 30+ hr day off of 2 hr sleep. Won't lie, napped some at work. I was doing my math final for the 2nd time and mom called. She's doing alright. She feels better, so that's good. But says there's all these lights going off (I'm sure, as she only has about 5 monitors hooked up to her) and she has compression socks that are making her feet go numb or so. They're just afraid of clots, as she won't take the shot to prevent them. (I honestly can't blame her as it's 3 times a day, huge ass needle and in the stomach). So they're making her body simulate movement as much as they can. And that's kind've where we are...

[ProMaxx316]

It's good that she gave you a call. Moms are the toughest of the toughest. Just stay positive and let her know that you still strong not just for her, but yourself. If you start getting to worried and she sees that then she'll worry and strain herself out.

You know who to send 50+ text messages to if you need to talk or what not.