What Are Some Ridiculous Things You've Heard At Work?

[Boon]

I work in IT. Usually I get called first about any problems...

Person: "Why doesn't my USB stick work? I have to give a very important presentation, it's not working"

Me: "Uh, is it plugged in?"

Person: "Yes! Of course it is!!!"

Me: "Hmm... try unplugging it and plugging it back in again"

Person: "Ok, hang on... nope! It's STILL not working!!!"

Me: "Hmm, wierd. I'll come and take a look"

*run up 2 floors and half way across the building*

Take one look at the laptop... they've somehow managed to stick the USB drive in the RJ45 network port :S

Another one...

Person: "My computer isn't working! It's.... frozen! It just says 'no input' on the screen!"

*facepalm*

Me: "Oh, right, I'll be there in a moment"

(This one was just down the corridor)

I walk in, have a peek at the front of the computer, it's not turned on. Duhh...

To save them some dignity (it's an office with like 5 people) I fiddle with some random cables, sneakily hit the power button, go around to the keyboard, type some random shit. You know, make it look like I'm actually doing something...

Me: "All fixed, there you go..."

Person: "Oh? What was wrong with it"

Me: "Uh, umm, errr... it just had a small issue"

Person: "Hmmm.... It was you guys! Wasn't it?! You IT guys did something to it!"

Me: "No, no... uhh... mmm...."

*start walking out*

Person: "Hah! It was the IT people. You're always messing with stuff!"

Me: (as I walk out the door) "Not really... for future reference, it helps if you turn the computer on..."

The look on their face as it dawned on them was pretty priceless

[LSN2meBoom916]

Place I work now sends out some software DVD's to our customers...usually get calls on disc issues..one of my co-workers was joking about some dumbass cleaning the WRONG SIDE of the disc...like the side with the writing/pictures rather than the SHINY side, and then retrying it.....

Bout 10min later he stands up and starts talking real loud to a customer and apparently this old man is DOING THAT EXACT SAME SHIT WE WERE JUST JOKING ABOUT.

I LOLd.

Anybody working with computor/tech shit is BOUND to have some "good" (terrible) stories.

'You know mate, no electricity comes up through these leads. It's all hoses mate, they carry smoke. When smoke comes out of gear, it means you've broken something and let the smoke out. Gotta take care of you smokehoses.'

"Really? That explains so much."

FACEPALM

LOL.

That's FANTASTIC.

"Sony has good SQ"

"the W7 is the loudest subwoofer in the world. it hits over 200db"

"what subs you got in there?" *he pops open his trunk*

"what are they?"

"i got these 2 from a junkyard" *points to a pre-fab box with 2 subs with no dust caps*

"what are these?" *i point to 2 other 12's in a pre-fab box, i think they were RF HK2's*

"i dont know, my uncle gave them to me"

5 minutes later he drives off, the thing was so distorted that you couldnt hear the bass over the distortion.

*note that these are all from the same guy, he now has 2 12" Polk db's in the stock pre-fab plastic-y box. MSRP, $500 because he told me he got it from some circuit city/best buy*

When I worked at an Autoparts store...I got this at LEAST twice a day...these douches are rampant everywhere and used to make my blood pressure skyrocket. Same ones who has "some crazy loud system" but "it's actually too loud to bring...so you'll never see it"...and never do.

[eliassami5]

HAHA funnies thread ive read in a god damn while, just cuz i can relate to all the grocery store stories lol. Ive been baggin for 2.5 years so ive got a shit load of dumb ass stories hah.

Some dude: "AYE MAN STOP FOLLOWIN ME AROUND THE STORE!!"

Produce dude: "why dont you put the can's of tomato sauce in your shirt back on the shelf then man"

Some dude: "MAINE I I DONT GOT NO TOMATO SAUCE UNDER MY SHIRT!!! WHY THE HELL WOULD I BE STEALIN TOMATO SAUCE!"

Produce dude: "...because i saw you last week stealing the same thing.."

Some dude: "WHAT!! MAINE YOU...YOU..YOU A SUCCKKKKAAA!!"

haha thats where i basically fall on the floor laughing my ass off cuz this fool was tryin hella hard to think of some cuss word and all he could come up with was SUCCKKKA!! hahaah.

they exchanged some more words and as the dude is walkin out the store backwards still yellin at the produce guy he almost gets hit by a guy trying to park his car. Lol that shit was hilarious, especially cuz it was in the middle of rush hour and like the whole store just stopped to watch them go at it haha.

Good times...

[cracker]

my girl had "somebody" call her work and asked for "rooster eggs" when she picked up lol(she works at a lil mom n pop store). she didnt expect me to call cuz i never bug her at work so she fell for it and called to the back... ha she got back and i was bustin a gut laughin. corny but happened recently and was funny to us lol.

[fourlug]

Contact soccer and tennis in our chemical plant... LOL

[BassJunkie]

This wasn't at work but this was at my school where I was in the networking class and we took care of the issues within the school. I get a call from one of the guys in the office and it goes like this.

Dude: Hey, my computer wont turn on what do I do?

Me: Well is it plugged in?

Dude: Of course its plugged in!

Me: Well could you check the power strip under your desk because its possible it could have gotten kicked and unplugged

Dude: I can't see it

Me: Look under the desk you should see a power strip, it has a red led light.

Dude: I can't see, its too dark.

Me: Well could you turn on a light?

Dude: My light wont turn on either.

THE POWER WAS OFF! As in, no power anywhere in his office. Evidently maintenance had part of the schools power off while they were doing something.

[Andrew2944r]

Craziest/funniest might have been yesterday at work, I work in the Oilfield and a cute little blonde sales girl was walking up to a Company man trailor on location and he told me to get the fuck out cause he was about to suck this bitches titties off, I about died walking out of the trailor in laughter.

[ryde2idie]

lady asked me to change the fluid in her rear differential...(she drives a honda civic)

[99GPGTX]

I work for a road construction company..... Resurfacing....Highways,Parking lots...etc. Ive hear a shit-ton of people complain about how bad the roads are, Or how annoying certain potholes are....So when the job comes up to re-pave those problem areas I would think that these concerned individuals would be happy.......FUCK NO!!!!!!! They are the very ones honkin their horns and givin us the finger drivin by, just because of the traffic for ONE FUCKIN DAY... Its just fuckin retarded... You cant keep anyone happy these days

when we were on Kauai over the summer you guys were doin your thing and traffic was backed up so far and there were no signs..we came around a corner (in a mini van mind you) to find traffic had completely stopped we def almost went team ram rod on this truck.

ps we have pot holes on everystreet.. my car loves it!

i work in the computer labs on campus and every so often ill get the question..."where is the printer" needless to say they are standing right fucking next to it. "i goes to da college place"

[Rags2Bitches]

I'm a n00b at a car dealership and am the first person they've hired in 3 years. They kept trying to get me with "go to service and get me some light fluid" or "go to service and get me a can of brake dust" or some stupid bullshit like that. I graduated from Nashville Auto Diesel College, so I easily dismissed these with a "nice try" grin. I walked up to the main one doing it a few days ago and said "[manager] just told me to tell you to run over to advanced auto and get a case of muffler bearings for that RSX we just got in off the truck. Here's the credit card *hands him a expired Visa Gift Card* go quick."

He was so pissed when he got back that he'd been had by a n00b. Shows him.

I do have to admit the sales manager got me with "upper management just got some tips that some employees are doing drugs on the job. They're giving everyone a hair test tomorrow"

.....I pooped a little.